San Quentin News

Written By Incarcerated - Advancing Social Justice

Dear KidCAT Speaks

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There are many times that I look back over my life and shake my head, not only because of the traumatic experiences, but also because of my warped way of thinking. I’ve been through a lot in my life, but I still understood right from wrong.

Because of the abuse I suffered, I knew what the consequences would be if I did wrong. Therefore, I learned to be “slick.” I did my best to master the concept of “the right way to do the wrong thing.” I never wanted to experience the humiliation of jail, so when I did wrong, I would talk others into doing the brunt of the dirt. We can all see how that turned out.

I thought I was doing most of what I did to survive, but in the end I only further entangled myself with drugs, alcohol, the gang life and, believe it or not, depression. The gang life never really meant that much to me, but weed, alcohol and pills gave me meaning. They became my way out, my source of escapism. If I couldn’t leave the world permanently, I could mentally.

Something too I soon realized was that if I volunteered to do enough stuff, people thought I was down. This caused them to want me around. Instead of letting others do all the work, I started to put myself on the “front line.” I finally felt needed, and these people became my loved ones. I only have myself to blame for my misplaced loyalty and insecurities.

Today, I stand as a man who has gained a great deal of insight. After tapping into my spiritual self through embracing Islam, I began to change my thought patterns. I started to understand my behavior for what it was — immoral and abnormal. No matter what my environment presented me with, there were always better decisions to be made than the ones I chose. As I changed, I got into college and began to do self-help groups.

Getting into ARC (Anti-Recidivism Coalition) has sped my change along. Seeing brothers who were in my same predicament get out, stay out, and then come back to assist us, has opened my eyes to hope. I’ve seen with my own eyes what change and “putting in the work” can do.

I’m not just doing this to get out but to be the man that society, my family, friends, children and I, myself, deserve.

John F. K. Dozier Jr. Calipatria State Prison

Dear John,

KidCAT really appreciates you sharing your life experience. It’s important for all of us to connect through storytelling so that we can learn from one another.

You are well on your way to figuring yourself out. It’s an ongoing process — a lifelong journey toward self-awareness. Your spirituality has definitely contributed to your success. Always be on the lookout for the people around you who can benefit from your progress and insight. None of us live in a bubble. We need to be there for each other.

Whether you realize it or not, you are part of our whole community, and we need you to continue stepping up and being there to support others. It’d be great for you to someday become an ARC guy and come back inside prisons to help, wouldn’t it?

Film producer and social justice activist Scott Budnick visits San Quentin

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Scott-Budnick

Film producer and social justice activist Scott Budnick kicked it with youth offenders and spoke to Kid-CAT members about his efforts to put the human face on America’s broken criminal justice system.

“This is my favorite group in the whole state,” said the famed producer of The Hangover and the recently released Just Mercy. “It’s good to be back here.”

Budnick slid into San Quentin for a couple of hours Dec. 12 before heading to Folsom State Prison, where the Sacramento Kings were set to christen a renovated basketball court for Play For Justice.

“I’ve been coming to Kid-CAT for years,” Budnick said as he looked around at about 30 prisoners in SQ Education’s B-Building. “I literally don’t recognize anyone—only a couple of faces.

“It’s nuts. Everyone in KidCAT’s going home.”

Budnick came that day with longtime SQ volunteer Ayoola Mitchell to speak with and meet youth offenders who may have heard of him but have never seen him face-to-face.

New KidCAT member Rafael Bravo, 28, introduced Budnick to the room.

“People say, ‘Who the hell is Scott?’ Well, I’ve known him since I was 16,” said Bravo. “If anyone in the world believed in me, it’s this man right here.

“He appeared one day when I was in YA [Youth Authority]. ‘Are you Rafael? Your cousin told me to come find you.’”

Bravo told everyone how Budnick eventually got him a job on a movie set.

“He offered me the best of opportunities I could possibly have,” said Bravo. “But I wasn’t right.”

Bravo ended up committing second degree murder and being sentenced to 16-years-to-life.

“While we’re incarcerated, this is the time to get right with ourselves right now,” said Bravo. “We have to be there for each other and lift each other up.”

Budnick then explained to the guys about his experiences seeing the inequities of the criminal justice system firsthand.

“When I was working on Old School, a friend of mine took me with him to Juvenile Hall. We volunteered for Inside Out Writers, working with a group of 10 kids—all facing life sentences.”

Budnick recalled asking one of the young men how their week had been. “‘It was a bad week,’ the kid told me. He said he’d just got sentenced to 300-years-to-life. ‘They stacked everything—I got washed.’

“And, this kid looked like he was 11. I thought, ‘Oh, they’ll have a good time with him in prison. This is awful.’”

That was one moment Budnick says changed his perspective, changed his life. “How do I live in a country that would do this to a child?

“I could not comprehend in my mind how we, as a country, think this is okay. Our system’s so incredibly racist and unfair. There’s like no White kids in Juve- nile Hall.”

Budnick related it to his own children. “My kid would get bailed out, have the best attorney money can buy and get a deal no one could have gotten.

“If you have money, you’re not going to get washed. I couldn’t just teach a writing class and feel like I’m giving back.”

Budnick went on to found the Anti-Recidivism Coalition (ARC) in 2013, an organization committed to offering guidance and help to the incarcerated and recently released, as well as advocating fiercely to affect policy change.

“Getting laws passed, we’re 4 for 4 so far, with Governor Newsom,” Bud- nick said. “And, I think we were like 13 for 13 with Governor Brown.

“Our policy work through ARC, that’s all done by you guys—because you guys are up there on Capitol Hill telling your stories.”

Budnick talked about how the lessons he’s learned as a filmmaker tie into affecting social change.

“Conflict, struggle, a happy ending — that’s what makes a great story, a great film,” he said. “And you guys have some of the most powerful stories on earth.

“No matter who I bring into prison, everyone changes when they meet you guys and see you as human beings.”

According to Budnick, it’s all about being able to humanize the incarcerated through storytelling.

“There’s such a beautiful light inside all of you,” he said. “That’s the lesson. Talking about you guys as human beings got voters to say ‘Yes.’

“The criminal justice system’s all about scare tactics. Think about that — we just need to make sure juries aren’t scared, right?”

Budnick is intent on using his Hollywood platform and success to illuminate the human faces stuck behind the walls of mass incarceration.

With Black Panther and Creed star Michael B. Jordan, Budnick produced Just Mercy, the film version of Bryan Stevenson’s nonfiction account of freeing Walter McMillian, a wrongfully convicted prisoner on Alabama’s Death Row.

McMillian spent years on Death Row due to a conviction based solely on the testimony of a jailhouse informant. And although his jury sentenced him to life, the trial judge intervened and ordered a death sentence.

Stevenson founded the Equal Justice Initiative (EJI) to fight for people like Mc- Millian.

“The entire movie is about humanizing all the people on Death Row,” said Budnick. “There’s a pretty graphic execution scene in there, where we show it all.

“By the time the audience gets to that point in the film, we know the guy’s guilty — but they all cry when he’s put to death.”

In conjunction with Just Mercy’s January release dates, Budnick explained how he and Warner Bros. partnered to launch Represent Justice, “the largest political social impact campaign for a movie — ever.”

“We’re using our social media to send people to websites on criminal justice reform,” he said. “They’ll be able to see Juvenile Hall information where they can go volunteer.

“We want to try and immediately activate people—engage them to get in- volved.”

Budnick also expressed his excitement for Play For Justice, where the Sacramento Kings, Milwaukee Bucks and other NBA partners are visiting prisons to interact with incarcerated communities, bringing them basketball — and hope.

“I’m driving from here straight to Folsom,” he told the SQ guys. “Some people might think basketball fans don’t know anything about criminal justice — we’re go- ing to change all that.”

Ayoola Mitchell spoke about how she first crossed paths with Budnick. “I met Scott four years ago, when we both were speaking before the Legislature in Sacramento.”

“It really struck me, because, you know, I was dressed all in my adult clothes,” said Mitchell. “But him—I swear he had flip flops on and was there to address public officials just like I was.

“Something Scott said that day really resonated with me. He said, ‘I just don’t give a f–k.’ Me, as a Black woman—how I look matters. When I go in there, I know I’ll be judged.”

Budnick chuckled slightly. “Everyone already sees me as ‘the Hangover guy,’ so I can get away with it.”

Mitchell continued. “A few years later, I was visiting the ARC offices in Los An- geles. It’s all about that six degrees of separation—the way people’s live intersect.

“There was a guy who’d gotten out and was working for Scott, a guy I’d known since he was 16 in Juvenile Hall,” she said. “He told me he was going to the Oscars that year.

“I’m like, ‘I’ve never been to the Oscars. What about me?’”

Mitchell’s career in criminal justice reform spans more than 38 years, and running. “I’ve been fighting for y’all before some of you were even born,” she said. “So much needs to be done out there.

“I have such a heart for you guys.”

Budnick asked Mitchell what organizations she works for. “It’s just me—Ayoola. No non-profit. No organization,” she said. “I’ve always believed in redemption.

“I’m old as Hell, but I can’t retire until all y’all are free.” Budnick commended Mitchell for her continued effort and passion, particularly since she does it mostly on her own without all the fundraising and support networks he has access to. “It’s easy for me to do this work,” he said.
Some of the SQ guys had questions about what kind of reentry support ARC provides once they’re released.

“We got you,” said Budnick. “You’ll have a very stable place to live and people around you who care. If that keeps you up at night or gives you pause, don’t worry about it.”

A big question was about getting Budnick involved in spreading KidCAT’s First Step curriculum to other facilities.

“The model that was started here—that should be at High Desert, at these hopeless places,” he said. “There’s what, like 35 prisons in California?

“Your program should be available at all of them— anywhere there’s youth offenders looking for hope.”

Dear KidCAT

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Dear KidCAT,

My name is Davion Keel, and I’m currently serving 25 years-to-life. I was 15 at the time of my crime. I’m 29 years old now.

My reason for writing today is to thank you for this avenue where our voices get heard. Coming into the system, I knew nothing. And at 15 years old, I thought I knew it all. I didn’t know anything about being restored and restorative justice.

I always thought I was normal. Only after maturing and really being honest with myself with 100% true love, I tapped back into that human side I’ve always had and admitted that I was lost. Insecure, I had no integrity. I always wanted to be accepted because as a child I never had a father, or mother or anyone to ask me, “What’s wrong, Davion?”

Well, one person asked me, “What’s wrong?” …just so happened it was a gang member. And getting affirmation from him—and others like him—that became my life.

It took me until I was 26 to finally be a man and stand up for the betterment of myself. I started attending self-help groups and found interest in people building people—in the right way, to prosper the world. CGA (Criminal and Gangs Anonymous) was and is a big part of my life. I plan on teaching kids at the same juvenile hall I grew up in.

Which brings me to your curriculum… I’m planning on getting a transfer, just to join. I feel all kids and youth need the tools of KidCAT and CGA. It really helps to develop emotional intelligence in the ghettos where a lot of kids are getting locked up—like my 15-year-old self.

I just wanted to thank you again. Save a spot for me.

Davion,

Great to read about your transformative growth. The world needs to know about all these stories—each of our stories. KidCAT is rooted in sharing and learning from each other, supporting each other, building each other. We see all that in your letter.

Our hope for 2020 is to get our curriculum out there and available to everyone who wants it. We welcome you, but we also don’t want transferring here to be the only way for guys to go through First Step.

Anyone at SQ is welcome to take First Step on Sundays from 6-8. Each cycle takes six months to complete. If you do get over here, we look forward to your participation. It’s always great to meet our readers face-to-face and really get to know them in person. We can’t wait!

Q & A: Chairman Si Dang opens up about himself and KidCAT

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Si Dang just completed his first full year as KidCAT Chairman. He turns 44 on Jan. 17 and approaches his 25th year of incarceration for first- degree murder and attempted murder.

Dang sat down with SQ News for a Q&A about himself and his vision of KidCAT.

Q: So many people ask— what’s KidCAT really all about?

A: Inspiring humanity. We use those words a lot lately, but just think about what that truly means. It’s about service— giving back and connecting with our community.

We’re always here to support our youth and youth of- fenders—to encourage, inspire and remind them that people really care about them.

Q: What’s the most valu- able lesson you’ve learned over the last year?

A: Always have an open mind. Working with our members, I’ve learned to listen more and take advice. Being able to communicate and work to get her as a team to get things done—that’s what counts.

I’m amazed by the ongoing support from all our partnerships—The Beat Within, Huckleberry House, Project Avary. Their dedication and commitment inspires all of us.

Also, I want to send my deepest thanks to our incred- ible volunteers and all our members for their hard work.

Q: What’s the biggest les- son you’ve learned through- out your entire incarcera- tion?

A: The value and strength of family. I’m so fortunate that my family’s always been there for me through thick and thin—my mom, sisters and brothers.

That’s why I emphasize and foster that same sense of fam- ily in KidCAT. All of us ben- efit when we support and take care of each other.

Q: What’s the most im- portant thing young lifers need to know as they do their time?

A: They need to understand that it’s okay to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to reach out and admit your vulnerabili- ties. The strongest people are those who understand they’re not alone.

Q: If you could visit and speak to kids in juvenile halls,whatwouldyousayto them?

A: There are many people who care and love you. Don’t ever give up hope. Stay strong, believe in yourself and go to school—don’t turn your back on education.

Q: What can you say to all the folks who’ve requested KidCAT’s First Step curriculum and are looking for guidance?

A: First of all, I want to sincerely apologize for the long delay. I know how committed so many youths around the system are about trying to learn our curriculum.

My biggest vision for 2020—we will get First Step out and into the hands of all those who asked.

Q: What’s your biggest hope for 2020?

A: Reaching out to more supporters and advocates in law enforcement, the judicial system, and higher education—and continue to raise awareness of youth issues.

Q: What can you tell our readers about the impact of newly signed legislation?

A: Especially with Senate Bill 965 and the po- tential to earn credit off of their

minimum parole eligibility date, that’s going to bring a lot of hope to youth offenders.

I think of all the possibilities and potential to not just gain freedom—but to gain a sense

of hope and to motivate and encourage the youth to better themselves.

Q: Who’s one celebrity you’d love to invite to a KidCAT meeting?

A: That’s gotta be Gov. Gavin Newsom. He’s such a strong leader, and I totally respect that. He stays with integrity, compassion and heart.

Q: What’s one thing you’d say to Governor Newsom?

A: As a youth offender—we can change and become better people. We have the ability to heal within ourselves within the community.

Q: Why is a second chance so important?

A: Nobody’s perfect. People can change. To give them a chance to do something better—why not give that?

Instead of always locking them up and throwing away the key, give them that chance to grow and give something back to society.

Q: Why do you believe you deserve a second chance?

A: Honestly, I don’t think I do. Andy Tran, the innocent person I killed—he didn’t get a second chance. I’m just grateful to serve others and continue do- ing what I do.

Andy Tran and Sen Dang (no relation), they were both in- nocent victims. I always try to honor them, their families and the community of Stockton for all the harm I caused.

Q: Who’s made the biggest lasting impression on your life?

A: My mom, Thu Pham. From day one, she never gave up on me and was there when I was at my most vulnerable. She’s my true hero—the stron- gest person I know.

Any final thoughts for all of KidCAT’s returned citizens out there?

Thank you for continuing to represent KidCAT in the best possible way—even after you got out.

All you guys continue to advocate for the youth, and we love you.

KidCAT facilitator Bev Shelby returns home to Texas

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Leaving a legacy of commitment and connection – she will be missed by many

Bev Shelby walked out of San Quentin State Prison on Oct. 24 with a heart full of emotion and memories.

Before moving back home to Texas, she came to share one last Thursday meeting with her KidCAT family.

“I can’t hug you guys. That really pisses me off,” Shelby said to all the members around her—some of whom she’s known for over seven years while coming into SQ.

“Listening to all of your stories and hearing about how you’ve overcome some of the worst childhoods, I wonder sometimes, ‘How can you even smile?’” Shelby momentarily broke down. “It’s been such an honor to share your continued growth, to be a part of the great work you guys do.”

“I’m going to hug Will real tight for all of you,” she said, referring to new volunteer facilitator Will VanBrackle. He sat across the space where KidCAT traditionally sets up the tables in a square with everyone facing in.

When Shelby arrived that day, the KidCAT guys tried to get her to sit in the middle and be the focal point. “I’m not doing that,” she said, sliding a chair alongside Anthony Ammons. “I’m just one of the guys—one of you.”

Despite the collective sadness at seeing Shelby depart, KidCAT Chair Si Dang wanted the group to celebrate her legacy of commitment and cheer her on toward the next chapter of her life.

“The way you came into this prison, Bev—you singlehandedly transformed KidCAT and transformed me with your big heart,” said Dang. “They say everything’s bigger in Texas, but it can’t compare.”

Dang likes to keep the KidCAT meetings energetic and warm—part of his mission to emphasize strength in community and family.

As a special treat, Dang enlisted K. Tran to perform a re-envisioning of “You’ll Be Back,” one of the showstoppers from Shelby’s favorite musical, “ Hamilton.”

“I wish we could have filmed that and tweeted it to Lin-Manuel [Miranda],” she exclaimed afterwards as the applause erupted. “That was truly a gift.”

Vice Chair Kenny Vernon prompted Tommy Ross and Nou Phang Thou to start a beat on the tables, encouraging every KidCAT member to participate in a rap around session.

With some prodding, Shelby started the rap off and struggled to rhyme. “I don’t know what to say. You guys are the best—and I do not mean that…” [pause] “…in jest.”

Other support groups and classes in SQ’s main education building heard the raucous thumping, blundering lyrics and spurts of laughter. Although there were some complaints, the spirit of KidCAT resonated throughout.

After the silly onslaught of rap subsided, the mood grew serious as men spoke to Shelby in farewell.

Alvin Timbol has seen his share of members get found suitable for parole over the years and become returning citizens. “Every time someone from KidCAT leaves here, I have a hard time saying ‘Goodbye,’” said the emotional Timbol. “I’d rather just say, ‘I’ll see you later.’”

VanBrackle remembered his first group meeting just a few months prior. “We did our fire circle and you told me to go ahead and take the reins,” he said to Shelby. “I’m very grateful for that. It meant a lot.”

Thanh Tran said to her, “That whole institutional barrier between free staff and inmate—I never felt that from you,” he looked around. “We never felt that from you.”

Dwight Krizman agreed. “From day one, you never saw me as a guy behind bars,” he said. “Your boundless compassion continues to give me hope.”

Ross had this to say: “That very first time we worked together, you corrected me and asked me to reframe some of the things I said.

“You know, that did trigger me—I wasn’t used to a woman doing that. I learned a lot from you.”

Ammons turned his head to look at Shelby directly. “I’ll always appreciate the humor you brought with you into this space,” he said. “You helped us connect with our inner child—helped us grow and mature as adults while bringing all that positivity in here.”

Shelby teared up again as she said to Ammons, “You’ll always be my partner in laughter. I’m always reminded of the times I’d get in trouble in school for that. Thank you for being my partner in here.”

Vernon told Shelby, “You’re a big part of the man I am today. I appreciate that. My wife appreciates that.”

Chase Benoit: “Our friendship—every time we talk, you’re being real and I am, too. That’s not always true of friendships.”

Phang Thou laughed as he offered Shelby the same advice he’d given recently paroled Ryan Dietz: “Bev, if you’re ever in a bar and someone tries to hand you a 40-ouncer—WALK AWAY.”

With time running out for her scheduled departure, Shelby looked at all the KidCAT men. “I’m so proud of you guys. This is hard work,” she said. “I can’t imagine you living in your cells. I just can’t imagine that. All of you deserve better than this.

“You cannot judge someone by their worst moment—I learned that from you guys. And I’ve spread that message to my family and friends.

“You’re all going to get out and be great citizens. I truly believe that.”

Shelby originally had planned to be back in Texas by early October, but an institutional lockdown at SQ prevented her from saying goodbye to KidCAT in person—so she delayed her plans until she could come inside the prison again.

“”I make slow decisions, but I know it’s the right thing for me,” she explained about her personal debate on leaving California. “But don’t worry, guys. I’m not rooting for the Cowboys—ever.”

Annual KidCAT banquet celebrates service to others

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KidCAT members, facilitators, and guests at the 2019 KidCAT Banquet on October 4, 2019

This year’s KidCAT banquet celebrated the magic and power that comes through dedicating one’s self to being of service to others.

Outside volunteers, CDCR staff, incarcerated men and returning citizens gathered in the San Quentin chapel Oct. 4 for an evening filled with food, laughter, reflection, the sharing of personal narratives—even a short skit.

“We’re not just going to tell you what it means to be of service—we’re about to show you,” said the gala’s emcee, Tommy Ross.

KidCAT Chairman Si Dang put the night in perspective by first acknowledging the original KidCAT members who started the youth offender support net- work in 2010.

“Three of those men are right here,” he said, pointing to returning citizens Gary Scott and Charlie Spence— and also SQ’s Nou Phang Thou, the last original member still incarcerated.

“Everyone deserves a second chance to pick themselves back up,” said Dang. “KidCAT’s mission focuses on always serving the most vulnerable group in society—the youth.”

Unveiling the new im- proved KidCAT logo of a global shaped light bulb, Ross asked the audience, “What comes to mind when you look at that?”

Voices from the crowd responded with phrases like “worldwide” and “bright idea.”

Former KidCAT members Gary Scott and Charlie Spence attended the KidCAT Banquet

Vice Chairman Kenny Vernon began the presentations by talking about coming to SQ in 2014. “First Step was the first group I ever took here and to see other inmates facilitating it—I’d never seen that before anywhere,” he said. “I was surprised by the outside facilitators, too.

“I asked them, ‘How much are you getting paid for this?’ I couldn’t believe it when they said they were all volunteers.”

Vernon explained how profound it was for him to hear them say that they got something out of volunteering—something far beyond monetary compensation.

“Later that night, I thought about the things they said about finding purpose, find- ing healing, becoming more empathetic,” said Vernon. “Me, I only did community service twice in my life before prison, and that was be- cause the court ordered me to.

“I asked myself, ‘Is this something I could do?’”

Vernon then described how, for the first time, he made a small donation to a KidCAT fundraiser from his inmate trust account.

“Being recognized just for donating—it filled me with genuine pride. I’d done something that made a difference,” he said. “After that, I was hooked.

“I stand before you today as living proof. Being of ser- vice changed me from a per- son I didn’t like into a man with a head full of kindness and a heart full of love.”

Will VanBrackle recently became a KidCAT volunteer facilitator, and he shared his own personal journey. A professional chef, he encouraged the guests to appreciate each other while they ate.

Quoting the late Anthony Bourdain, VanBrackle said, “ ‘You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.’ I hope during our meal tonight you have a chance to learn, grow and love.”

As KidCAT servers made last minute preparations, Ross wanted the audience to acknowledge Phang Thou, “a man who has truly dedicated himself to living a life of ser- vice.”

True to form, Thou was busy working behind the scenes—sporting a plastic apron in the back of the chapel as he arranged plates of food.

“Being recognized just for donating—it filled me with genuine pride. I’d done something that made a difference”

The SQ Jazz ensemble played from the choir box while everyone dug into an institutional meal of quarter chicken pieces, battered fish, vegetables, tortillas, rice and beans. A legitimate and palpable family vibe filled the chapel.

Peter Nguyen recently be- came a member of KidCAT after being at San Quentin for a year. “There were some folks here who are just start- ing to come into the prison to volunteer,” he observed. “It was really awesome to watch them open up, relax and be- come more engaged.

“By the end of the night, they just looked fully comfortable and at home.”

The biggest round of applause greeted Ayoola Mitchell, a fixture at SQ. Mitchell regularly volunteers twice a week at the prison when she’s not out traveling the nation to advocate for juvenile justice reform.

“We love you, Ayoola,” was heard numerous times as she approached the stage to speak.

“Make sure to tell my kids about all this,” she said to Scott, who now works with her after paroling six years ago. “They always say I’m the meanest person in the whole world.”

Mitchell wanted to share her thoughts and experiences about how everyone’s lives are linked together. She described her time as a counselor at the Santa Clara juvenile hall in 1995—and how shocking it was when so many minors came back from their court date with a life sentence.

One juvenile lifer who stood out in her memory then was Vinnie Nguyen, who would go on to become an original founding member of KidCAT and has since paroled. Mitchell noted how one of Nguyen’s best friends at SQ was Scott—her own friend and advocacy coworker.

Peter Nguyen spoke after Mitchell and commented on what a tough act she was to follow.

“What motivates a person to serve can be as different as a fingerprint,” he said. “When I was young, being of service was a nonexistent concept for me.

“Prison forced me to deep dive and reflect on the positive values my family, especially my mother, had tried to instill in me.

“KidCAT gave me the chance to finally return to be- ing the person that my family raised me to be.”

In between speakers, Ross shared his own insights about KidCAT. “I’m one of the elder members—an old guy, and when I first got involved, I really didn’t expect to learn anything from men younger than me,” he said. “I’ve never been so wrong. These young guys continue to teach me new stuff about life every day.”

KidCAT members then performed “The Awakened Spirit of Service,” an original skit written by Dang and K. Tran. Through drama and humor, the performance illustrated a young man’s emotional path toward learn- ing to serve his community.

After the applause died down, Ross introduced Gayle and Phil Towle, who have served KidCAT for years as mentors and personal counselors.

“Not only do they offer us their heartfelt guidance and love every week, but they also show us the model of a perfect marriage,” Ross said about the couple who have been married 55 years. “Because of them, I know what a healthy relation- ship looks like.”

The Towles traded lines from their joint speech. “When I volunteered at SQ, I had this arrogant notion that we were serving criminals who needed our superior wisdom and life experience to re- cover from their tragic lives,” said Phil. “How naïve and embarrassing that looks today.”

Gayle said, “Years later, as all volunteers will attest—we come to prison to have you men in blue teach us about be- ing better human beings.”

Phil asked the prisoners in the chapel, “Are you marking time until you get out of pris- on to live?”

“Or living now, as the best person you can be?” asked Gayle. “While you did not choose to live here—you can choose how you live here.”

Gary Scott came onstage while Ross said, “Give it up for the prodigal son. He has returned. This is what six years of freedom looks like.”

“Coming in here and seeing guys that I know from when I was incarcerated, looking at KidCAT members, facilitators, and guests at the 2019 KidCAT Banquet on October 4, 2019 ago I never would have envisioned this being so power- ful,” said Scott.

KidCAT Vice Chairman Kenneth Vernon

Lastly, Ross introduced keynote speaker Spence by referring to a well-known SQ video that depicted Spence breaking down in tears of vulnerability.

“Yeah, yeah—everyone knows I’m an ugly crier,” said Spence as the crowd welcomed him. “I tried writing a couple of different speeches for tonight, but in the end I just had to tear them up.

“The only way to address you guys is to just speak from my heart.”

Spence paroled last year after serving 22 years in prison since the age of 16. He spoke mostly about the difficulties he has faced in transitioning out.

“As great as freedom is, I want you guys to know that stepping in here today—it’s the first time I’ve felt normal since I left,” he explained. “It’s really hard for me to connect with people on the outside.

“They haven’t done the kind of work on themselves that we all have. I often question my socialization out there. I go check in at the parole office, and there I feel comfortable.”

He told a story about recently hiking on nearby Mt. Tam, and how looking at SQ from up on the hill caused him to sit down and start crying.

KidCATVolunteer Will VanBrackle

“I broke down because I know so many of you that de- served to be standing there beside me,” he said. “When I look around this room, I’m incredibly proud of all the amazing work you guys continue to do.

“My own freedom came when I learned to be of genuine service and serve others with- out caring about the recognition. Trust me, that’s the real key to your freedom.”

Air Force vet commits to working with youth organizations

by

KidCAT’s Will VanBrackle and his wife, Kellene

Will VanBrackle served his country in the U.S. Air Force. Now he serves the Bay Area youth community by helping the kids of incarcerated parents through Project Avary—and by volunteering as a KidCAT facilitator inside San Quentin.

A troubled youth himself, VanBrackle faced his own life struggles before finding a path to being of service. “As a teenager, I spent a lot of time doing the wrong things in the wrong places, a whole lot of dumb stuff— the same kind of activities that lead guys to wind up in here” he explained.

“Had my luck been different or had I been a different color, those things could have easily landed me in an establishment just like this one. I was very fortunate,” he said.

To escape poverty and what he perceived as a dead- end existence, VanBrackle enlisted in the military.

“I joined the Air Force with all the dreams and aspirations that one recruiter could fill my head with,” he said. “During my time serving in the military, I experienced more than any poor kid from Pennsylvania could have wished for.”

VanBrackle’s plan to spend a full career in uni- form, however, became de- railed through numerous tours of duty.

“Five years later, I had more time deployed to combat zones than time spent state side,” he said—the glint of a thousand-yard stare almost returning to his eyes. “I had lost best friends, relationships and family.

“I felt like I was in an endless cycle of self-harm that was being fueled by the military. I was broken— physically, emotionally and mentally.”

With only a two-week break between deployments, VanBrackle realized he needed to break the cycle. According to him, his superior officers offered him no choice but to declare that he was “mentally unfit to go.”

“Had I not said those few words, they were prepared to throw me in jail for fail- ing to obey a lawful order,” he stated. “But it enabled me to start getting the treatment I needed.”

The USAF relieved VanBrackle of all his duties and eventually discharged him for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

“Distanced from friends and coworkers, I was isolated at a time when I needed support the most,” he said. “There were no support groups, mentoring or help. I was alone.

“My time in the military was over, and I knew serving my country wasn’t the service I was best suited for.”

VanBrackle began forging a career for himself in the food service industry, eventually finding a niche as a personal chef for well-to- do families.

“But I was not fulfilled,” he said. “Something was missing.”

With his wife Kellene by his side, he would listen to stories shared by her parents—stories spanning 40 years of professional service in the medical field. Beyond their retirement, his in-laws still served as volunteers, consultants and advocates for their community.

“They continue to inspire Kellene and me. We would sit in awe,” VanBrackle said. “It was those nights and those conversations that motivated me to find my path.”

Kellene became a pro- gram director for Project Avary, the local organization designed for children with a parent or loved one incarcerated. Often serving as a communal safety net, Project Avary provides out- door adventure days, sum- mer camp, retreats, and lots of family-style meals—all free of charge through donations and funding.

“From the late night work sessions to the long camps, watching her give her all for these children and this community has been nothing short of inspirational,” he said. “Mostly, we try to make sure these kids get the chance to have fun and be surrounded by love.”

A tight-knit crew devoted to their work, Project Avary welcomed VanBrackle’s culinary expertise. It didn’t take long for them to embrace him as family.

“Once I met and cooked for the children, it felt like every light bulb in the world had been turned on,” he said. “My head was spinning and my heart was exploding.

“I didn’t know it, but Project Avary was what I had been looking for.”

It hurts VanBrackle deeply to see and hear kids deprived of some basic elements in growing up happy—good food in a family environment.

“One of the reasons I love cooking for Avary is watching the children and counselors come together over a shared meal—passing dishes, trying new things, chatting about the ups and downs of their day,” he said. “Families across the globe look so different, but sharing food together is a funda- mental experience that has been going on for centuries.

“To see them so happy eating my food is the best feeling in the world… and Project Avary is what brought me to KidCAT.”

At San Quentin’s annual Avary Walk in 2018, VanBrackle met members of KidCAT for the first time while he and Kellene got to know the men responsible for organizing the fundraising walk.

Each year, KidCAT encourages everyone at SQ to participate and donate at least five dollars to Project Avary. With fund matches pledged by outside donors, KidCAT was able to help raise over $18,000 in 2019.

“It was the same feeling I had when I first started working with the children of Avary,” said VanBrackle. “Kellene and I went home with our heads spinning. It took a few days to come down from that.

“That experience, combined with our current world events, left me feeling like I needed to do more. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to come back inside.”

VanBrackle’s mind never strayed too far from Kid- CAT’s mission of serving the incarcerated youth offender community and at- risk youths outside of prison.

“I had long stretches of time between seeing the members of KidCAT,” he said. “It’s a lot harder to get in here than you’d think, but I eventually wiggled my way back in.”

Through the advice and assistance of longtime Kid- CAT volunteer Bev Shelby and SQ’s Community Partnership Analyst Dina Durano, VanBrackle became an official member of Kid- CAT’s facilitation team.

“I had a lot of time to think about the why,” he said. “Why this path? Why San Quentin? Why these men?

“Project Avary is there to break the cycle of incarceration and give the children an outlet. But who and what is there for these men?

“Why are we as a community not doing more to help these men? So when they rejoin society they are more than ready? Who is there to tell their stories?”

The same reason that KidCAT became involved in helping raise funds for Project Avary now became a reason for VanBreckle to extend himself into the KidCAT family and SQ community.

“These men share some of the traits I see in the children of Avary—perseverance, resiliency, hope, potential and love,” he said.

VanBrackle wants the world to understand, empathize and join him in his cause.

“I serve to help reduce the stigma of incarceration. I serve to create awareness in our community,” he said. “I serve to be the bridge be- tween these men and their future home.

“I serve to make our community better as a whole for everyone.”

VanBrackle preparing a fish for dinner

To learn more about Project Avary, go to www. projectavary.org or write to KidCATSpeaks.

KidCAT members unite and bid farewell as leadership roles transition

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Youth offenders and prisoners focus on incorporating the entire community

The latest graduating cycle of KidCAT’s First Step curriculum marked the end of a distinct era in this ground- breaking program’s history.

The youth offender support community celebrated and said heartfelt goodbyes on June 30 to four of its outside volunteer facilitators—and also to inside lead facilitator, Fateen Jackson, who was found suitable for parole and returned to society oct. 1.

“It’s a bittersweet experience that several of us are leaving the program,” said Jackson. “Nat, Channing, Tayyibah and Lily were instrumental in making sure that the guys inside were not forgotten.

“Their continued commitment to the First Step program is greatly appreciated, and they’ll surely be missed.”

An added bonus to the festivities included the return of Anouthin Pangthong—a formerly incarcerated youth offender, KidCAT member and First Step graduate, who paroled from SQ in 2018.

For the last three years, Natalie Bell has devoted her Sundays—and also many Thursdays—to come into SQ as the main outside facilitator and work with KidCAT to form a cohesive team.

“This is one of those rare programs, where people that you work with on the inside will get out—be released,” observed Bell. “To see our work actualized in real time, it’s incredibly gratifying.

“At least 20% of our graduates that I’ve seen get out and every inside lead facilitator has paroled so far.”

“For me, coming back is a great honor,” said Pang thong, who everyone at SQ knows simply as “Choi.”

“Folks in here are just as deserving—or more—to be out there with me.

“Noticing and observing the camaraderie inside this building and how people interact with each other— that’s what I miss the most about being around you

guys. That’s why I wanted to come back inside today.”

Jackson shares the same sentiments about the com- munity he is about to leave behind. “I do intend to stay connected to the KidCAT program upon my release— in whatever way I’m need- ed,” he said. “I’m not going toforgetaboutmybrothers inside.

“It was awesome to see Choi again in a different capacity—to see him as an outside person was surreal. That’s the endgame for all of us.”

KidCAT Chairman Si Dang himself graduated with this First Step class— a longstanding requirement for full-fledged KidCAT membership.

“The KidCAT community is not just about youth offenders and prisoners,” said Dang. “We focus on incorporating the entire community—outside and inside—to better serve the youth in any way we can.

“So many truly wonderful people continue to be a part of KidCAT. It’s overwhelming at times.”

Lilly F. facilitated First Step for her second time. “It’s deeply moving to see the changes that happen within the participants from beginning to end,” she said. “They’re all different—each of them their own unique snowflake.

“So many positive trans- formations happened right here as a direct result of the incredible amount of insight gained from this curriculum.”

“The First Step curriculum gave me the ability to under- stand the root of my belief system—my thinking, my behavior,” said Jackson. “And those eight modules contributed to a deeper understanding of how I was ultimately affected by those beliefs.”

The outside facilitation team made sure to let Jackson know that their support will not cease once he leaves SQ.

“At least 20% of our graduates that I’ve seen get out and every inside lead facilitator has paroled so far”

“Whatever you need on the outside, Fateen, if it’s within my capacity to provide it for you, I’ll be there,” said Bell.

“We’re so grateful for your ability to juggle many different needs, many different commitments as our lead facilitator,” said Lilly F. “I’m sure those skills will play into your success on the outside. And yeah, I’m echoing Nat here—whatever you need.”

Tayyibah H. spent two years as a First Step facilitator. “First and foremost, this is about not forgetting that incarcerated people are part of our community,” she said. “You all deserve the opportunity to grow and heal from trauma—the opportunity to connect with the outside to share ideas, share space.

“Through every curriculum cycle, the process of self-exploration allows us to examine our own identity— past, present and future.”

Taayibah H. also wanted to emphasize and acknowledge Ronald Carter’s efforts as he prepares to assume Jackson’s duties for the next cycle.

“To witness and be a part of all your personal growth—you’re going to be a great lead facilitator when Fateen leaves,” she said.

Channing Richmond, the fourth outside volunteer to be ending her tenure, reflected back on why she originally committed her time to the program.

“I actively made a decision to come in and do this because of my personal philosophy to provide support and true compassionate presence to all who need it,” said Richmond. “I have been privileged and honored to be here with you. Everybody comes into this space in a different way to create a beautiful mixture of self-exploration.

“My life’s taken some twists and turns—things I have to prioritize. Leaving your program right now truly feels like a loss for me.

“I trust in my absence you’ll work to find other outside facilitators. The spirit of KidCAT lives on no matter what—it’s not about us.”

Bell would not disclose what her new plans are, other than to say she is leaving to pursue her social reform goals in a more expansive realm.

“Everything finally came together, and all the puzzle pieces just fit. I’m proud and excited to see what the future has in store,” she said. “Someone said the most important step in any journey is the first.

“During my three years with the program, I’ve gotten to know and support so many of my peers and comrades.”

“Natalie was the anchor of the outside facilitators. She ensured the curriculum stayed on course that everything started on time,” said Jackson. “She has the professionalism and character to facilitate gracefully without judgment.”

Pangthong addressed the group after everyone— graduates and facilita- tors—accepted their certif- icates and spoke about their personal journeys through First Step.

“Acknowledge the hard work y’all have done for yourselves. We don’t always take the time to appreciate what we’ve accomplished together,” he said. “It took hella years, but we arrived!

“Acknowledge and know your own true potential. Once you see that in yourself, nothing can get in your way.”

Receiving their First Step certification: Chase Benoit, Markee Carter, Joseph Demerson, Ryan Dietz, Vashon Jones, Max Lopez, Juan Meza, Brett Ownbey, Michael Pulido, Shawn Reyes, Ricardo Romero, Jaime Sanchez, Hieu Thai, Alvin Timbol, Thanh Tran, Bradley Ware, Rhone Watson and Troy Young.

Dear KidCAT

by

My name is Jose Hernandez. I’m serving a 68-to-life sentence and have been incarcerated since the age of 16. I am now 25 years old and I want to reach out to all of you. I’ve currently been going back and forth to San Joaquin Juvenile Court, and I’ve had a chance to read the SQNews.

Most importantly, and what has inspired me to write this let- ter, are the articles, projects and KidCAT Speaks that has given me more hope—as well as drawn my full interest for the last seven months.

“Gangbanging on the groups and college courses SQ offers, he said he knew it was time to check it out for himself.

“I want this place right here to be a ground where I can change and grow,” he said. “Being able to find myself now—what I really love to do and having the free will to do it—I realize that’s what being a real man is.

“San Quentin has taught me that success is not about winning. It’s all about learn- ing and improving.”

Rivas deals with the negative consequences whenever he calls home. “My three old- er brothers, they’re in prison on the mainline right now,” he said. “My family tells me that they basically hate me—that they’re disappointed, that they never expected this from me.

“Even the sister of my daughter’s mother tells me, ‘You’re totally devalued. They all just degrade you like you’re nobody anymore.’

“At first, that really made me feel like they were right. It made me feel less than.”

Rivas recently became the newest member of Kid- CAT, unanimously voted in. He continues to impress the youth offender support community with his commitment to self-improvement and be- ing of service to others.

Nou Phang Thou, Kid- CAT’s last founding member to remain incarcerated, has mentored many youth offend- ers during his years at SQ. He noticed Rivas’ openness to change right away.

“One beautiful thing about Jonathan, he has great intu- ition to recognize his own weaknesses,” said Thou. “And then he has the commitment to seek out the help he needs and address those weakness- es—so he can become a better man.”

“I don’t have to be a follow- er, but today I can try and be a leader to the youth that are still lost,” said Rivas. “I just wonder how many of them out there on the mainline will lis- ten to me?”

Even with SQ’s non-designated status and overall progressive culture, many prisoners here still hold on to some degree of their old GP mentality. That dynamic con- tinues to shift slowly.

“Some of them changed their perspective of us,” said Rivas. “They think all SNYs are here for snitching, for be- ing child molesters—stuff like that. But it’s not until they listen to our stories, to my story, that they realize these dudes here have been through some stuff, seen stuff.”

Rivas said he grew up in foster care after his mother abandoned him when he was six and his little brother was four. “I used that as an excuse for me to act out in life. I grew up in juvenile hall.”

“That’s what I did—fight- ing, running away from group homes,” he continued. “Finally, I joined a gang at 14.”

Soon after that, Rivas fought with another youth at his foster facility, got convict- ed for the assault and battery, and would then spend almost four years in juvenile custody.

“I was released 16 days be- fore my 18th birthday,” he re- called. “And I went right back to the streets.”

It wasn’t long before Rivas was arrested again—this time for carjacking, along with gun charges and other crimes.

“I ended up taking a deal for ten years at 85%,” he said. “Right now, I’m set to go home at the end of 2023.”

At SQ, Rivas now facili- tates the Power Source cur- riculum, after being part of

its first graduating class. He credits the nationally rec- ognized self-empowerment program with helping him un- derstand himself and his past mistakes.

“I used to be selfish and never cared about what my family thinks,” he explained. “I never cared if they were happy.

“My dad tried to still be around for me and my little brother. He tried to get us back, but his drinking prob- lem stopped him a lot.”

He spends his weekdays apprenticing as a carpenter in vocational training—a prison job that will give him viable employment opportunities upon reentry. On the week- ends, Rivas looks forward to competing in soccer for his newfound community—often against outside guest teams through SQ’s organized sports league.

In June, Rivas gave an im- passioned speech at the Project Avary Walk, an event geared toward raising funds that pay summer camp fees for kids of incarcerated parents. Rivas spoke about his daughter, the painful separation his incar- ceration caused—and his mis- sion to make it back to her.

In addition to vocational classes, Rivas struggles his way through the Prison University Project’s college prep courses—non-credited classes he must pass before pursuing an Associated Arts degree.

“Whenever I feel like quit- ting class and giving up, I think about my daughter and someday being able to help her with her studies,” he said. “That always motivates me to keep going.

“You know, at San Quentin, if you’re not taking college courses or participating in groups—you’re just not cool.” come to prison.”
CDCR formally reclassified SQ as its first non-designated prison at the start of

At this point in my life I may be given an opportunity to have my case overturned. I plan to petition the courts and ask to be re-sentenced under the Youth Offenders Program (YOP). I’m even going to seek a court order to be sent to San Quentin so I can partake in learning the KidCAT (First Step) curriculum and hopefully become a mentor for the YOP community.

Now I need and want to pursue my path in obtaining the KidCAT curriculum, so I can mentor the program while I finish the remainder of my sentence. If I can obtain this experience while still behind the walls, it will help me live my dreams. I’ve prayed, believed and always kept my faith that I’d give back to my community when I am released. The dream now is to obtain the curriculum so I can facilitate workshops. I don’t have any sponsors, volunteers or financial resources to purchase your curriculum.

Thank you for your time in hearing a young man that has vowed to become a part of KidCAT.

Jose,

KidCAT genuinely appreciates your time in writing to us. A big part of our work revolves around sharing each other’s experiences. We all learn from one another and support each other. That’s essentially how the KidCAT community first came into existence and continues to grow.

Hearing about your personal journey and your commitment to mentorship—that inspires us.

In terms of the our First Step curriculum, we are in the midst of an active reboot right now. Over the next couple of months, KidCAT plans to unveil an improved version and incorporate some new lessons that we’ve learned throughout our previous cycles. Also, there is an administrative procedure we must adhere to in order to uphold the overall integrity of our program.

Once we get all these hurdles ironed out, we will make sure to update everyone through KidCAT Speaks. We’re very excited about the future of the First Step curriculum, and we hope that can include you, Jose—and anyone who wishes to become involved with KidCAT’s mission.

The faith and commitment exhibited in your letter are the most important things to stay focused on, as well as always making sure your voice remains heard. KidCAT wants to emphasize to all our readers that your voices matter. KidCAT Speaks encourages you to write us here at SQ. Your letters inform and resonate within our community and never lets us forget our collective goals of self-improvement, rehabilitation and service. Thank you so much.

Finding your true self in a non-designated universe

by

Jonathan Rivas came to San Quentin, vowing to turn often participate in a coordinated “removal”— where a racial brand of prison politics. That means that those who willfully choose to remain housed among SNY inmates at a non-designated facility are putting their reputation in permanent jeopardy.

“I know there’s gonna be consequences. I’m not scared,” said Rivas. “What I’m scared about is not mak- ing it home—scared of losing my family, my daughter.”

Even at SQ, general popu- lation prisoners housed tem- porarily in the reception center here will sometimes ignore their custody escorts to “take off” or attack the in- mates they perceive to be “no good.”

“I still remember being on the bus on the way here. All of us were worried,” said Ri- vas. “When we first got to R & R (the prison’s Receiving and Release department), we all wanted to know, ‘Are they ‘removing’ guys on the yard here?’

“But the Black guy that worked R & R told us, ‘Nah, that’s not what it is. It’s not like that here—it’s about be- ing yourself now.’”

Once Rivas heard that, and heard about all the self- help programs, rehabilitative

come a positive father figure for his 3-year-old daughter.

targeted prisoner is attacked by multiple assailants. That dynamic forces the target to

“It hits me hard, when I
see things like Disneyland be classified as a “victim”,

commercials, families with Mickey Mouse,” said Ri- vas. “I envision myself there someday being able to buy her souvenirs.”

and hence removed from the facility or, at least, that yard.

“When something needs to be done—you have no choice,” said Rivas about that lifestyle. “It’s stupid, ‘cause they’re trying to brainwash us and make us think like it’s the thing to do.

Although
himself as
cure, his voluntary transfer to
SQ, a recently-made “nondes-
ignated” prison, demonstrates
the young man’s underly- streets changes when you

he describes somewhat inse-

Photo by Javier Jimenez, SQN Jonathan Rivas in white on the fútbol field

Photo by Javier Jimenez, SQN Rivas giving a speech at the Avary Walk

ing strength and courage in starting to make his own life choices.

“I spent six months in the
hole for a stabbing—you 2018. That means that SNY know, a ‘removal’—but it (Sensitive Needs Yard) pris-

turned out it was a bad call,” the 22-year-old Rivas ex- plained. “I came here because I didn’t want to do that stuff anymore.”

Throughout the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR),

al population” (GP) prisoners largely must base their iden- By Joe Garcia tity on whatever reputation

Journalism Guild Chairperson they earn in prison.
To further such a reputa-

Jonathan Rivas came to tion, prisoners like Rivas San Quentin, vowing to turn often participate in a coordi- his life around and try to be- nated “removal”— where a

racial brand of prison politics. That means that those who willfully choose to remain housed among SNY inmates at a non-designated facility are putting their reputation in permanent jeopardy.

“I know there’s gonna be consequences. I’m not scared,” said Rivas. “What I’m scared about is not mak- ing it home—scared of losing my family, my daughter.”

Even at SQ, general popu- lation prisoners housed tem- porarily in the reception center here will sometimes ignore their custody escorts to “take off” or attack the in- mates they perceive to be “no good.”

“I still remember being on the bus on the way here. All of us were worried,” said Ri- vas. “When we first got to R & R (the prison’s Receiving and Release department), we all wanted to know, ‘Are they ‘removing’ guys on the yard here?’

“But the Black guy that worked R & R told us, ‘Nah, that’s not what it is. It’s not like that here—it’s about be- ing yourself now.’”

Once Rivas heard that, and heard about all the self- help programs, rehabilitative

come a positive father figure for his 3-year-old daughter.

targeted prisoner is attacked by multiple assailants. That dynamic forces the target to

“It hits me hard, when I
see things like Disneyland be classified as a “victim”,

commercials, families with Mickey Mouse,” said Ri- vas. “I envision myself there someday being able to buy her souvenirs.”

and hence removed from the facility or, at least, that yard.

“When something needs to be done—you have no choice,” said Rivas about that lifestyle. “It’s stupid, ‘cause they’re trying to brainwash us and make us think like it’s the thing to do.

Although
himself as
cure, his voluntary transfer to
SQ, a recently-made “nondes-
ignated” prison, demonstrates
the young man’s underly- streets changes when you

he describes somewhat inseing strength and courage in starting to make his own life choices.

“I spent six months in the
hole for a stabbing—you 2018. That means that SNY know, a ‘removal’—but it (Sensitive Needs Yard) pris-

turned out it was a bad call,” the 22-year-old Rivas ex- plained. “I came here because I didn’t want to do that stuff anymore.”

Throughout the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR),

oners can be housed here— right alongside men who still consider themselves GP. SNY status has always been re- garded as an equivalent to be- ing in protective custody.

Certain Mexican and White prisoners adhere to their own

Dear KidCAT

My name is Jose Hernandez. I’m serving a 68-to-life sen- tence and have been incarcerated since the age of 16. I am now 25 years old and I want to reach out to all of you. I’ve currently been going back and forth to San Joaquin Juvenile Court, and I’ve had a chance to read the SQNews.

Most importantly, and what has inspired me to write this let- ter, are the articles, projects and KidCAT Speaks that has given me more hope—as well as drawn my full interest for the last seven months.

“Gangbanging on the

groups and college courses SQ offers, he said he knew it was time to check it out for himself.

“I want this place right here to be a ground where I can change and grow,” he said. “Being able to find myself now—what I really love to do and having the free will to do it—I realize that’s what being a real man is.

“San Quentin has taught me that success is not about winning. It’s all about learn- ing and improving.”

Rivas deals with the nega- tive consequences whenever he calls home. “My three old- er brothers, they’re in prison on the mainline right now,” he said. “My family tells me that they basically hate me—that they’re disappointed, that they never expected this from me.

“Even the sister of my daughter’s mother tells me, ‘You’re totally devalued. They all just degrade you like you’re nobody anymore.’

“At first, that really made me feel like they were right. It made me feel less than.”

Rivas recently became the newest member of Kid- CAT, unanimously voted in. He continues to impress the youth offender support com- munity with his commitment to self-improvement and be- ing of service to others.

Nou Phang Thou, Kid- CAT’s last founding member to remain incarcerated, has mentored many youth offend- ers during his years at SQ. He noticed Rivas’ openness to change right away.

“One beautiful thing about Jonathan, he has great intu- ition to recognize his own weaknesses,” said Thou. “And then he has the commitment to seek out the help he needs and address those weakness- es—so he can become a better man.”

“I don’t have to be a follow- er, but today I can try and be a leader to the youth that are still lost,” said Rivas. “I just wonder how many of them out there on the mainline will lis- ten to me?”

Even with SQ’s non-des- ignated status and overall progressive culture, many prisoners here still hold on to some degree of their old GP mentality. That dynamic con- tinues to shift slowly.

“Some of them changed their perspective of us,” said Rivas. “They think all SNYs are here for snitching, for be- ing child molesters—stuff like that. But it’s not until they listen to our stories, to my story, that they realize these dudes here have been through some stuff, seen stuff.”

Rivas said he grew up in foster care after his mother abandoned him when he was six and his little brother was four. “I used that as an excuse for me to act out in life. I grew up in juvenile hall.”

“That’s what I did—fight- ing, running away from group homes,” he continued. “Finally, I joined a gang at 14.”

Soon after that, Rivas fought with another youth at his foster facility, got convict- ed for the assault and battery, and would then spend almost four years in juvenile custody.

“I was released 16 days be- fore my 18th birthday,” he re- called. “And I went right back to the streets.”

It wasn’t long before Rivas was arrested again—this time for carjacking, along with gun charges and other crimes.

“I ended up taking a deal for ten years at 85%,” he said. “Right now, I’m set to go home at the end of 2023.”

At SQ, Rivas now facili- tates the Power Source cur- riculum, after being part of

its first graduating class. He credits the nationally rec- ognized self-empowerment program with helping him un- derstand himself and his past mistakes.

“I used to be selfish and never cared about what my family thinks,” he explained. “I never cared if they were happy.

“My dad tried to still be around for me and my little brother. He tried to get us back, but his drinking prob- lem stopped him a lot.”

He spends his weekdays apprenticing as a carpenter in vocational training—a prison job that will give him viable employment opportunities upon reentry. On the week- ends, Rivas looks forward to competing in soccer for his newfound community—often

against outside guest teams through SQ’s organized sports league.

In June, Rivas gave an im- passioned speech at the Project Avary Walk, an event geared toward raising funds that pay summer camp fees for kids of incarcerated parents. Rivas spoke about his daughter, the painful separation his incar- ceration caused—and his mis- sion to make it back to her.

In addition to vocational classes, Rivas struggles his way through the Prison University Project’s college prep courses—non-credited classes he must pass before pursuing an Associated Arts degree.

“Whenever I feel like quit- ting class and giving up, I think about my daughter and someday being able to help her with her studies,” he said. “That always motivates me to keep going.

“You know, at San Quentin, if you’re not taking college courses or participating in groups—you’re just not cool.”

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