HOPE…so essential to the preservation and nourishment of the human spirit…to our spirits, yours and mine! Hope is the ultimate motivator, directly or indirectly, for all of our actions, conscious and subconscious, whether we are in or out of prison. But for those of us behind these walls, hope becomes even more critical. Often it is all that we have. Or at least to us, so it seems. And in our darkest of moments during the most dreary of days behind these walls, it can quite often seem that, indeed, we have no hope at all! But, in truth, this seldom if ever turns out to be the case. For even in the darkest of moments, somehow there is still a glimmer of hope for those of us who would look hard enough.
For many of us here at San Quentin, both staff and inmates alike, these have been the darkest of days as round after round of state budget cuts have cut painfully into those things that so many of us deem necessary for our continued well-being. Staffing cutbacks and program eliminations, seemingly never ending, have reduced morale in the prison to the lowest of levels that few among us have ever seen.
Take away the staff and you in turn must take away the programming. With a scarcity of programming comes a lessening of the opportunities for me to rehabilitate myself while I am here. And as we all know all too well, less rehabilitation translates most assuredly into more recidivism. Those are the facts.
HOPE…among my peers we cling desperately to the seemingly certain promise of some sort of change brought about by those three judges of the federal court panel. C’mon Henderson, Karlton and Reinhardt! For they are our hope. A looming presence soon to be felt by all, so much more acutely than most might imagine.
In a state which is reeling from the nightmare reality of empty coffers, shrinking services, political discord and indecision and the worst job prospects that anybody can remember, we as inmates find a cause for hope in three gentlemen on the bench in Sacramento. Whether you are a Lifer, an 85 percenter, sick, aged or otherwise infirm, or simply a short-term parole violator, radical changes within the system are coming, and soon!
Meanwhile, for the short-term, it becomes a case of waiting for the dust to settle after the nightmare of cutbacks and layoffs. Indeed, the dust will settle. And for San Quentin, a prison that touted a plethora of programs coming into 2009, there will most certainly be a wide variety of programming that survives the cuts.
Less of a selection? No doubt! Much less, I’m guessing. But on a personal level, I am always reminded to ask myself “Compared to what?” And compared to California’s other 32 prisons, there will remain at San Quentin a smorgasbord of self-help programs that offer the chance for individual improvement and growth. Certainly not near what we have grown accustomed to, for in many respects we have been truly blessed. But if there is one program left where once there may have been three, or perhaps even a choice still left to us among two remaining programs where once there have may have been many, are we not still much better off than our peers in one of the many barren lock-down prisons within the state?
For me, the answer is a resounding “Yes.” And therein lies Hope for me. Sometimes a glimmer, but more often a Gleam. Generally the only real difference in the two is in the way that I perceive them. That choice of perspective is on me.
For the holidays coming ahead, when I say my thanks, it takes much more than a moment, though I am indeed still in prison. The part about “still in prison” won’t always be that way, for me or for you.
There is always HOPE.
