Before I joined KIDCAT, I knew little to nothing about Toxic Masculinity. The idea itself was absurd to me. Masculinity is not toxic, the people who display the toxic behavior are. At this time, I was still a little ignorant and ill informed. My opinion was of my own knowledge. Toxic masculinity is one of those phrases that for some triggers discomfort or even defensiveness, for others it sparks understanding and reflection my participation in groups such as “First Step” and JSLG I began to realize how it related go me as a “Black Man.” Through out my life I was both glorified and critiqued for being aggressive and emotionless two traits I believed a real man possessed. While toxic masculinity may seem like a buzz word its concept carries weight in shaping how we men perceive our selves, teat others and navigate the world.
At its core, toxic masculinity refers to the pressure on men to conform to out-dated and harmful ideas of what it means, “to be a man”. It is the belief that men must always be tough, emotionally stoic, dominant and most of all aggressive. The perception of vulnerability is a weakness people view showing emotions like sadness or fear as “feminine”. Toxic Masculinity also perpetuates the idea that men must avoid anything that has associated with female behavior. Whether it is crying, asking for help or changing your child’s diaper. For me they were all considered feminine traits. But it’s important to recognize that masculinity itself isn’t toxic during my time as KIDCAT member we’ve had many debates and discussions the subjects and I’ve come to realize now more than ever before, there is nothing wrong with being strong assertive or protective. However, when those traits are enforced to the extreme and you suppress other healthy aspects of your personality the results can be damaging. For instance many men grow up hearing phrase like “man up” “boys don’t cry”, or don’t be a sissy”. While these words might seem harmless, they teach young men early on that their feelings do not matter. Experience with that type of criticism caused me to put up a front of power and dominance that resulted in me having violent and reckless behavior.
The effect of toxic masculinity is far reaching. My pride, ego, and belief that people only respect violence are major factors that led me to commit the crime that brought me to prison. When men are taught to bottle up their emotions, they often turn to unhealthy outlets. For me that was the streets, gang involvement. I robbed people, vandalized the community and participated in acts of violence. Studies have shown that men are more likely to die by suicide or struggled with substance abuse than women. Society and now social media’s pressure for men to have it together leaves little room for us to process our feelings or ask for help when needed.
Toxic masculinity can also affect how you interact with others in different spaces. It can breed an overly competitive nature, hyperactive aggression and unwillingness to compromise. It is not hard to imagine how this behavior can affect other relationships leading to controlling behavior, lacking communication of even violence. In the United States, men commit the majority of violent crimes. There are many factors to consider but it is undeniable how we adopt handling conflict with fist instead of words.
– By Antoine Brown, Contributing Writer
Kid CAT (Creating Awareness Together) is a group of men who committed their crimes in their teens and were sentenced as adults to life terms. The group’s mission is to inspire humanity through education, mentorship, and restorative practices. Kid CAT Speaks wants to hear from all the juvenile lifers, educators, and policymakers concerning juvenile justice issues and rehabilitation. Contact us at San Quentin News, Attn: Kid CAT Speaks, 1 Main Street, San Quentin, CA 94964