By Darius Poole, KidCAT Contributing Writer

The first five years of my 15-to-life sentence, words like accountability, amends, and remorse were foreign to me, especially coming in with a young mindset. All of that changed when I met Kenny Vernon at The Beat Within one Monday night.

Kenny started telling me about KidCAT and how he felt it would be a good opportunity for me. That was almost two years ago. Since then, I have participated in and completed over 10 self-help groups, one vocation, and became a member of San Quentin’s tour team and basketball team.

Without KidCAT, I would not have been able to understand that my past is just that, my past but what I do today is what defines me. Being around so many positive peers has not only established strong and healthy friendships, but it has given me the courage to step outside of my comfort zone and dare to be different in a good way. Knowing the history of my fellow KidCAT members and seeing their transformation was inspiring for me in the beginning because I didn’t feel like I was good enough to change.

Like, I have done too many unforgivable things in my past. So, hearing that I could do it and realizing that it was possible, was huge for me. However, KidCAT did not just help me; it gave me the power to help others in here and on the streets. Whether I was going on the tiers to collect hygiene for at-risk teens or reciting a specific curriculum that could help others who are not going to groups to have a better understanding of traumas and where behaviors come from, it is kind of like the gift that keeps on giving.

No matter what I think I know or what I thought I accomplished, I always found out on Thursdays that there’s always more to learn. I know that by being involved with KidCAT I will always have room for improvement, something that every human needs.

KidCAT has given me a sense of confidence when I am less comfortable with myself. For example, having the opportunity to encourage the group to facilitate a curriculum that we learned. Growing up, I dealt with speech problems causing me to not speak out as much or just have fear of public speaking as a whole. So with this facilitation practice it helped turn my weakness to my strength. 

Now I have no problem going up in front of a group of strangers and being transparent. This is big for me because I have to appear before the parole board and we all know what that consists of. KidCAT is an everyday thing for me and I am grateful that I took the opportunity once presented to me because I have grew so much since my first day in the group. 

So when asked about KidCAT and if you want to sign up I recommend you think about it and if you want change for the better put that pen to paper, because KidCAT gave me my first step toward a more humble life. I grew up in a single-mother home with five mouths to feed in a city that’s not famous for people like me making it out of my environment.

So I grew up making sure I was going to be the best robber, shooter, liar, manipulator I could be. I was just living for today because tomorrow is not there yet. Looking back I was lost and blind. Getting my life sentence at so young I was confused but now I understand that my first thinking error that I had when I was just a kid caused me to give up when in actuality I should have been worrying about being a kid and this is why this group is so important to me. I want to help those kids that hopeless just like I did and change that thought.