San Quentin Warrior Donte “Sandman” Smith has learned to forgive the friend who told the police he committed murder. In doing so, he broke the cycle of violence that left two people dead and him in prison.
“You have to forgive or everything will be a chain reaction … If you kill one of them, they’re going to knock one of yours down and it won’t ever stop,” Smith said.
He referred to a gang member he killed, leading to his younger friend being murdered in retaliation.
Long before coming to prison and playing forward for the San Quentin Warriors basketball team, Smith grew up in LA around gangs. He ran away from home at 13 because he couldn’t cope with his stepfather’s strict rules.
“When he told me, ‘You’re gonna follow these rules or get out,’ I chose get out,” said Smith.
He ended up living in various places, starting with his with his 18-year-old brother, Skeet, then his godmother, and his co-defendant.
In 1997, a rival gang came through his neighborhood shooting and hit his godmother. The male belief system he lived under required retaliation.
“I learned that revenge system from the streets and my family … it has always been there,” said Smith. “Growing up, we watched Rambo. In every movie, they do something to his family, he blows up a whole city and nothing happens to him. That’s fantasyland. You take revenge, they’ll give you a life sentence.”
Smith was 16 when he and a co-defendant retaliated.
Law enforcement was clueless until a respected older homie was caught with a stolen car.
“The police said the car resembled the one used in a murder; that’s when he told them everything,” said Smith. “I was conditioned to believe by way of physical, emotional and verbal abuse that real men don’t cry or tattletale.”
Smith was arrested, convicted and sentenced to 16-years-to-life in prison.
“I was mad because they were shooting at him and not only did I retaliate for moms, I also did so for him,” said Smith. “Under my old belief system, I couldn’t let it go … for somebody that close to tell on me was worse than being shot.”
Revenge came back to haunt Smith. He had a friend eight years younger named Marcel who looked up to him. The two bonded partly because they look a lot alike. When Marcel was 16, the rival gang mistook him for Smith.
“I never thought what I did would continue,” said Smith. “They retaliated … they rolled up on him thinking he was me. He had the same look … braids, lanky body; he was shot 21 times. They thought I got out,” said Smith.
Smith was devastated and wanted the senseless violence to stop. He started his healing journey in groups like Restorative Justice.
“Restorative Justice helped me learn to take accountability. It helped me to see the victim’s side,” said Smith.
Taking Restorative Justice transformed how Smith viewed his old friend’s actions.
“I started holding myself accountable, I stopped blaming him for (my incarceration),” said Smith. “Here he is now with a daughter going to college and I wanted him to sit in prison for something he didn’t even do.”
By relaying a message through a mutual friend, Smith said he was able to tell the person who gave the police information leading to his arrest that he forgives him.
“Actually, I thank him because he saved my life. If I didn’t get a life sentence, I would be dead in the streets right now,” Smith said.
Smith added, “It is OK to cry and get things off your chest. If you keep it inside, it can build up and become very dangerous. A man is really about making your own decisions and standing up for what you believe in.”
