Convicted murderer Jesse Reed served nearly 2 ½ decades behind bars before his incarceration ended and he was set free. But something went wrong; he’s back inside San Quentin State Prison for violating conditions of his parole.
“I had a dirty urine test, I tested positive for the use of cocaine,” said Reed, sitting in the Reception Center chow hall for his interview, dressed in an orange jumpsuit.
“I know I’ve disappointed a lot of people, but I know that it’s important to tell my side of the story because I want others to learn from my mistakes,” Reed said.
Reed was one of the subjects of the book Life After Murder, Five Men in Search of Redemption, by Nancy Mullane.
Life After Murder detailed what it’s like for five convicted murderers to transform their lives into one that the parole board deems “no longer a danger to public safety,” and to walk out of prison a free men.
Mullane followed the men’s lives, detailing the emotional rollercoaster they underwent after the parole board granted them a release date, the 150 days the governor has to accept or reject its findings, and their struggles to reintegrate with their families and communities.
“When I left San Quentin, I thought I was prepared. But there were a lot of things I wasn’t prepared for,” Reed said. “The transformation from prison to free society was scary. I was headed into a world that I knew nothing about.”
Reed said he did a lot of ministry work his first year home.
The San Quentin self-help program Incarcerated Men Putting Away Childish Things arranged speaking engagements for Reed that included appearances at Castlemont High School and the Phoenix Project.
“I spoke at the Civic Auditorium after the two young kids got shot in the church,” Reed said.
The Department of Juvenile Justice called upon Reed to lecture incarcerated youngsters about his transformation into a responsible citizen. Reed said it is an awesome feeling—going into an institution and working with the youth.
“The things I’ve accomplished have been amazing. Three months ago I was in Galt at a California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation summit at the request of Bill Sessa,” Reed said.
Reed said Sessa called Nancy Mullane to request him to speak at the summit.
“I’m trying to make it better for men when they get out, so they don’t have the setbacks I had,” he said.
Being around family and loved one’s people he had not seen for years was a great feeling, Reed said. The down side is they did not know him and Jesse did not know them.
“Struggling to become accepted by them has been a challenge. I feel guilty because I wasn’t there to help raise them or give advice,” Jesse said. Some of his relatives embraced him wholeheartedly; others did not. He said he has two siblings and they do not get along.
“Things were beginning to build up on me. I had started a janitorial business with a partner and we had lost some large contracts and my mother’s health was declining,” said Reed.
On Jan. 16 Reed rushed from his business to the hospital, where his mother had been taken. While there, Jesse was told his mother had terminal stage four cancer. Afterwards, Jesse said his girlfriend moved out because she felt he was spending too much time with his mother. She left him with bills and a car note.
Soon after his mother died, his aunt was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.
“Watching her go through chemotherapy was like seeing my mom all over again. All of this was building up. It was just one traumatizing experience after another, and I didn’t know how to ask for help,” Reed said.
Reed said his drug relapse occurred during a weekend gathering at a friend’s house. His parole agent came the following Monday morning for a drug test.
“He tested me two weeks earlier and was about to switch seeing me from one month to every other month. The one time I did something stupid,” Reed said.
Jesse said San Quentin programs helped in his transition.
“They definitely didn’t fail me and I definitely didn’t fail them. I relapsed. I’m human, and we make mistakes. I knew I needed help but as men we have a problem of pride,” said Reed.
“I’ll make a promise…you will never see me behind these walls again and when you guys do come home, I’ll make it easier for you guys coming out,” Reed said.
Reed will attend a substance abuse program five days a week through his new release plan.
“This doesn’t define me; what I do from this day forward will define me,” Reed concluded.
