One of the most commonly expressed “feelings” in San Quentin Nonviolent Communication (NVC) classes is, “Today, I feel grateful…I feel blessed.” Straight-up expressions of gratitude are unusual outside prison walls, so I was curious about these consistent “I feel grateful…” statements.
What are the needs met by expressing gratitude when times might be tough?
NVC requires understanding the NEEDS that motivate our actions, no matter how crazy our actions might be. In my first months of teaching NVC, I felt suspicious of these constant expressions of gratitude. Maybe it was a way of scooting around less comfortable and more “gritty” feelings and needs. After some reflection, I finally came to see and respect the authentic needs behind expressions of gratitude
Unlike other feelings, feeling grateful is a disciplined choice, even a declaration of freedom. “No matter what is taken from me or hardship I undergo, I choose to focus on what is GOOD and not on what drains my spirit. Each day, I feel grateful for what serves my life. Thus I survive prison life with my humanity and faith in life intact.” Is there a more important need in prison?
There is another less obvious need met by expressing gratitude. Consider making a move to improve one’s life or situation. If you consistently dwell upon what is “missing” or wrong, this can lead to bitterness and despair. Gradually what is missing in one’s life becomes who you are. Bitter desperation and a constant sense of lack are not inspiring or influential. We are not likely to get what we want. A commitment to gratitude inspires confidence in self and others. It is both a launching pad and beacon of hope.
Expressing gratitude in prison is a soul-survival strategy. It is a source of creative actions and positive problem solving.
–Renée Soule is an eco-psychologist and has been teaching in San Quentin for nearly seven years.
