San Quentin Rehabilitation Center hosted its first marriage conference for incarcerated men and their wives, along with couples who visited and shared their journey of being married for decades.

The main theme for this event was “Who Are You Saying Yes To?” There were fun activities like couples’ roundtable, newlyweds’ Q&A, marriage vow instructions and prompting, and more.

Sylvia Briggs, one of the wives who visited and participated, feels that this event was overdue and that it is needed across the state prison system. She said there are hundreds of married couples and many others who are in relationships during their incarceration, and this could be a positive tool for re-entry and family reunification.

“This conference falls in line with rehabilitation and family reunification. The man is the head of the family, and this occasion has value as a whole in terms of public safety when a man is being rehabilitated. In terms of being a husband, they are prompt to be successful,” said Briggs, who added that educating the husbands gives them the tools to be a role model to the children of the future.

The day progressed with a small panel of two couples who had been married for decades and shared how they faced and overcame the hard times in their marriage.

In one particular marriage, the husband talked about their first 12 years of marriage and how they found themselves bonding and growing. One of the husbands shared how he confessed to his wife that he had relapsed with drugs and she kicked him out of the house. It was then that he realized that he was not serving God and decided to get his act together.

Pastor Zach Vestry said that there are incarcerated men who are not married but may be in a relationship or even single. He emphasized that it is important to invite those men to do the work in order to prepare them for future relationships. 

When asked by SQNews, “Why should anyone on the outside world care about stuff like this?” Vestry replied, “All that we are seeing here today speaks to the power of relationships as people are able to make it through the challenges of being inside and then coming out of prison.”

The couples were temporarily separated. Men were asked to gather in Chapel A while the wives remained in Chapel B. This gave men the chance to complete their marriage vows and allowed single men to write vows to their future wives.

Mando Gonzalez, a former lifer who served 21 years of a 15-to-life sentence, returned as a guest speaker along with his wife, Nini Gonzalez. When he paroled, their marriage faced unhealthy issues. Thereafter, he came up with the idea of organizing a marriage conference for the incarcerated and their wives to educate and prepare those who will someday be paroling and may be facing similar situations.

The weekend before the Gonzalez couple were married, they broke a religious fast. It was then that God revealed to him that he was going to be paroling sooner than he had anticipated. Mr. Gonzalez shared how his wife started to get closer to God. Things got heavier and heavier to the point that she filed for divorce two weeks after he paroled.

“I was broken. I came from distortion. Until I fully surrendered to the Lord, I noticed things started to change,” said Ms. Gonzalez. “I was upset at how hard prison is and how they [the visiting correctional officers] made me feel when visiting my husband.”

According to resident Francisco Sordid, the event was a blessing for him and his wife. It gave them the space to pray, cry, and hold hands. He feels that this marriage conference centered their relationship more by allowing them to bond and get to know each other better. 

Glen and Liz Kauk participated in the panel discussion and talked about their 29-year journey together. Mr. Kauk recalled that when Mr. Gonzalez was released from SQ, Mr. Kauk encouraged the Gonzalez family to participate in marriage counseling. Now all that has come full circle. This is why, when asked by Mr. and Mrs. Gonzalez to help with the event, the Kauns felt privileged to do so.

Brian King, an SQ educational instructor, saw the need for a marriage conference. During one of his visits to San Diego at a Love Does event, he and his wife, Camille, met the Gonzalezes and the rest is history.

“We wanted to support married couples that are dealing with incarceration by first focusing on Who They Are Saying Yes To. By focusing on their commitment to God first, then each other, we believe that incarcerated marriages can survive and grow in a healthy way,” concluded King.