“The language of marriage is often the language of ownership, rather than the language of partnership. We use the word ‘respect’ to mean something a woman shows a man, but not often something a man shows a woman.” – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Nigerian author and feminist.
There exists inside every young boy a compassion that must be cultivated and nurtured into adulthood. How is that compassion translated? What societal responsibilities do we have to the younger generations? Moreover, what personal responsibility do we bear as fathers and OGs?
While it certainly does take a village to raise a child, when it comes to raising a male child fathers should be at the forefront of teaching young boys the universal value of having respect for themselves and the opposite sex. Fathers should engage their sons in active conversations about gender equality. These lessons are best learned by example.
In today’s society, our young men are constantly bombarded with words and images of women that construct their idea of what it means to be a man. Therefore it’s crucial that we begin any discussion of manhood by first understanding the social context in which these notions of gender and masculinity are formed.
In early September, Baltimore Raven football player Ray Rice was caught on tape knocking his fiancée unconscious and dragging her body from an elevator. Though Rice publicly apologized for his actions, the question of how and to what degree he should be punished by the NFL is being challenged in court. As of this writing, he is suspended indefinitely.
Here at San Quentin, during discussions about this incident, some prisoners recognized that Rice’s abuse was indisputably wrong. However, some went on to ask what she might have done to provoke or anger her fiancé.
These damaging responses result from the fact that young males grow accustomed to the idea that women are inherently guilty. We often send messages to young men that being brutal without self-control is acceptable while we teach girls shame. Often women are taught that they are naturally inferior to men simply by being born female. Girls grow to be women whose opinions are not as valued, who cannot say what they truly think or feel, and believe they must cater to the needs of men.
Not only are women silenced or their opinions ignored, but women are objectified, their bodies used to sell anything from cars to cottage cheese. Objectification devalues the female contribution to society. Exposed to this, women often unwillingly become complicit with their own oppression. Despite the fact that women make up 51 percent of the planet, men often perceive the role of the female as marginal. Governments and organizational heads are predominately male. Women still make 77 cents on the dollar compared to men for the exact same position. What is that about? And how does it persist?
Reflecting on my complicity in female gender vilification, I came to several conclusions: I would usually laugh, remain silent and/or repeat sexist remarks acceptable within my circle of friends. Although racial epithets offended me, sexist remarks were not as degrading; they were less demeaning. It was not until I reflected upon my experiences that I made this distinction.
Fathers, OGs and men should actively engage in conversation about gender inequality, particularly the wrongful way in which women are often portrayed by society.
Young boys should be taught from the onset that reducing women to mere body parts (legs, vaginas, butts, breasts, etc.) is sexist, inaccurate and wrong, and damaging to the very intimacy and depth of relationship that human beings need.
A good way to begin is with men becoming aware of and taking full responsibility for how we demean girls and women. We must find the moral courage to speak up and out against gender discrimination in its various forms.
