By C. K. Gerhartsreiter

Of the 120 beating hearts present in Chapel B on the day before Valentine’s Day, precisely 22 of them found themselves without steel bars between them, if only for a few hours. Eleven San Quentin Rehabilitation Center residents and their visiting partners received certificates of completion from Incarcerated Hearts, a recently started self-help group designed to lighten the difficulty of separation of couples with an incarcerated partner.

Another 21 certificates went to solo hearts whose partners could not attend the event. Among them sat SQRC resident Situe Toluao, 42, the Samoan-American creator and founder of the group, whose goal of helping his compatriots with their relationships quickly solidified the self-help group.

“Incarcerated Hearts is here to stay,” Toluao said. “The group had a strong start and we already have 120 applications for the next three cohorts. Incarcerated Hearts fostered a cohesive group and the communication we encourage and the communication skills we build aim to increase cohesion within the couples.”

Resident Mike Glosson, 46 and married for nine years before his incarceration, called the program “the first of its kind that takes into account partners on the outside. No other class or group has ever directly centered on my family, and that’s what makes Incarcerated Hearts not only unique, but also very useful and valuable.”

Dr. Berendsen, an Incarcerated Hearts sponsor and a psychologist at SQRC, gave the event’s keynote speech. She said her job in the group concerned masculine toxicity. “I appreciate the trust the group had in me. It’s an amazing group and they asked difficult questions and did not seem afraid to get hard answers. Relationships take work and if you show up every day, the work will get done.”

Warden Chance Andes briefly visited the event and spoke about one of the key aspects of Incarcerated Hearts. “I am proud of you and I am proud to hear that vulnerability came up. I appreciate groups that talk about vulnerability.”

The most cogent testimony about Incarcerated Hearts came from resident Kai Brandon, 44: “After being incarcerated for over 20 years, I can honestly say that learning how to love from behind walls has been one of the hardest and most meaningful journeys of my life. Incarcerated Hearts has helped me not just to survive my circumstances, but also really to look at the kind of man, husband, and father I want to be, even while confined.”

Brandon continued, “Incarcerated Hearts pushed me to reflect on what truly matters in a relationship. From Incarcerated Hearts, I learned that even from prison, I can grow. I can become a better husband and father by doing internal work, by learning emotional awareness, and by choosing love over ego. This program reminded me that challenges are not signs of failure. They are invitations to grow, and today, I leave here more aware and more committed to being the man my wife deserves.”

Vanessa Valdez, the wife of resident Carlos Valdez, said, “We have been together for eight years, and married for four years. The road has been long and difficult, but Incarcerated Hearts has helped a lot with communication. They helped us see the things we struggled with. My husband not being there was difficult and Incarcerated Hearts created a space for dialogue. It helped us say, ‘Now I understand.’”

After a generous lunch, the group took photographs by the fountain. Toluao, the group’s founder, stood in the center. “I had the goal to give everyone a space where they could talk about their relationships,” Toluao said, “and this group provided this need. This graduation shows that it works.”