Last year I met my son, Haikeem, for the first time. He was 24 years old. It was Get on the Bus weekend at California State Prison, Solano, and I noticed a tall, slender young man anxiously pacing in front of the window in the visiting room. I knew it was Haikeem and I was completely petrified.
When I entered the visiting room, my son smiled brightly at me. It felt like the sun shined only for me. He looked directly into my eyes for a moment or two, and greeted me with, “What’s up, pops!?”
I felt an instant connection between us. Maybe it was just my imagination, but it felt like everyone in the visiting room seemed to be focused on us. Besides Haikeem’s birth, it was the most amazing experience I had ever felt. He hugged me and said, “Happy Father’s Day.”
I pulled my son close to me and pressed my face up against his, both our cheeks wet with tears. I told him, “Son, I apologize for failing to fill the long void you’ve must have felt these many years because of my absence.”
In addition to that blessing, the weekend also included a surprising twist. As fate would have it, Haikeem’s half-brother’s grandmother, Mary, was visiting her son at Solano that same weekend. Haikeem and Mary sat beside each other on the shuttle bus, not knowing their relationship. They struck up a conversation, as strangers often do. Haikeem told her that it was the first time that he would meet his dad, and he was very nervous.
Mary reassured him that things would be just fine. “Just relax. I’m sure that your dad is just as excited about meeting you.” Mary couldn’t help feeling something familiar about the young man and told him he looked like her grandson.
When Mary walked into the visiting room, I recognized her immediately. My son and I walked up to her, and we stood there holding hands trying to understand what was happening.
During my incarceration, I constantly prayed, asking Allah to reunite me with my family, and if it was His will and wisdom, to please bring my children together.
Months later, my family experienced another surprising reunion. I had sent Haikeem photographs of his half-brothers, whom he had never met. While riding the light rail from home to school, Haikeem noticed a kid waiting at the station who looked like his older brother, Chris, in the photos. He got off the light rail, approached Chris, and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, man, I know you!”
Chris looked at Haikeem, not recognizing him. “Man, you must be mistaken,” Chris said.
“It’s no mistake. I’m your brother, Haikeem. Our dad has sent me pictures of you.” Chris later told me they instantly connected. Allah was answering my prayers.
With more than 130,000 people incarcerated in California, the relationships between imprisoned fathers and their children are strained, and sometimes shattered. But fatherhood does not stop for the incarcerated, and it is more than just biology. It is a lifetime commitment to being there, devoting your time and attention, and giving your love unconditionally.
My visit with Haikeem was the best day ever. Never underestimate the power of your child’s love. Even in a place like prison, there is always prayer that we can turn to hope.
Editor’s note: D. Rasheed Smith is a San Quentin prisoner.
“I had a good relationship with my dad. He is one of the smartest individuals I know. I have a daughter and a stepdaughter. I love them both very much. I mostly love my daughter’s energetic assertiveness and my stepdaughter’s outgoing personality.” — Angelo Falcone
“I think the best quality in a dad should be that he spends time with his kids.” — Mike.
“To our fathers, whom we love so much, although sometimes we don’t say it to them. But, forgive us for the lack of confidence in explaining one’s feelings. Today, we wish you all the happiness of the world and for you to enjoy the happiness fo the world and for you to enjoy this father’s day..”— Arturo G. Pureco
“Every good father should spend time with his children.” — Project REACH volunteer Sue.
“I love that my dad always smiled.” — Pete
“I didn’t have a father and no father figure, but I believe every good father should love his kids unconditionally. I have a daughter and she loves me even though I wasn’t there for her.” — Dexter Coleman
“I had a father, but he didn’t pay attention to me. I had no father figure and I never had any kids, but I think that every good father should be responsible.” — Nate Collins
“I didn’t have a father, but other men I looked up to treated me like a son. My father figures were my coaches, older male family members and even my friends’ dads. Every good father should be loving and present.” — Kenyatta
“I grew up with a dad and I liked the way he cared for me. I have two daughters and I am very proud of them because they are educated and they inspired me to get my education.” — Valeray Richardson
“I didn’t grow up with a dad. My father figures were my grandfather and an uncle. A good father is always concerned about his kid’s future. I especially love my daughters’ shyness and their gentleness.” — Larry Histon
“I didn’t grow up with a father, but I had an uncle who treated me like a son. I do not have any children, but I believe every good father should be understanding with his kids.”— David Monroe
“I had a good relationship with my stepfather. He was my dad. I have no kids but I think every good father should be willing to sacrifice himself for his kids, like my dad. He was the epitome of what it means to sacrifice for his kids.” —James Cavitt
“I grew up with my dad and I have no kids, but I believe that every good father should be loving and understanding.”—Robert Frye
“I had a father and I had a good relationship with him. He was very passionate. I have a daughter and I love her beautiful persona.” — Philip Senegal
“I had a father but my relationship with him was in the middle. It was okay. A couple of my uncles were good role models and father figures in my life. I have had no kids but I believe that every good father should have patience.” —John Neblett
“Pops, you are an example of who I want to be. You’ve always been there for me and I’m thankful for that. May time continues to bring us closer and allow you to teach me the lessons I need to know. Know I love you and wish you a happy Father’s Day.” — Michael Tyler
“Thanks to an awesome father for always being there, for leading by a legal example, for admitting your mistakes, but most of all thanks for being a true friend my best friend.”— Will Shipley, Jr.
“A man armed with excellence, love, strength, integrity, structure, guidance, discipline, sacrifice, commitment and pride is forever our dad. With honor and respect, we salute you. We love you pops Happy Fathers Day.” — G.R. Mendez
“My mother is my father. I want to wish her the best on “Fathers Day” for being there for me and the family. I love you.”— Theotis Stewart
“Happy Fathers Day. I hope you have a great father’s day. I wish you all the best in life. Dad, today I say thank you for being in my side along all this hard time. I love you Dad.”— Fabian Vazquez
“Although I have gone astray from your teachings, today my guides are your values and principles. It is an honor and a privilege being your son. Quezada, Chivero and Michoacano all the way to the end.” — Miguel Quezada
“Happy Fathers Day, Ernest Chavez. This is your special day to be honored by your family for all you’ve done and continue to do for all of us. We all want you to know you are appreciated and loved with all our hearts. From all your children and grandchildren, thank you for all the love you give all of us.”— Roger Chavez
“Father, dear father, I miss you with all my soul. I love you and adore you without resentments. Happy father’s day. You are a dad who has always wanted the best for your children. You are unique, and I hope to see you soon. Your son, who appreciates you.” — Eddie Cruz
“Dad I’ll never forget how you used to watch soul train every Saturday and afterwards you’d play all of your music cassettes and sing along on your mic. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was being schooled on how to appreciate good music, this is something that is now an important part of my life and I thank you. Love ya pop’s! Happy Father’s Day.” — Jerome Boone
“Dad, you showed me how to live and how not to live. I used it and raised a great son (Ricky) thank you! ‘You gave what you knew and I gave what I knew better.’”— Moses Duran
“Pops, God knows you’ve been a better dad than I ever had a right to, always there for me even now, you will always be my hero Love you always.” — Ricky Abeyta
“Growing up my mother was my father. Mom was never bashful to step in and take on the roles that are traditionally reserved for fathers. Here is to you mom, “Happy Fathers Day”. — Charlie Spence
“For my father, Fransisco (Don Pancho) Barboza, a strong and honest man. And, for my brother, Antonio Barboza who had a heart bigger than Texas. In peace they rest” And, for my brothers, nephews and cousins in Texas and here in California, I send you a happy father’s day. With respect.” — Adam Barboza
“I would like to say happy Fathers Day. I have so many memories when I was growing up, especially on Christmas day when you were dressed up as Pancho Claus. As I grew older you were teaching me the value of life. I’m so lucky to have you as my father. You are my number one. Regardless of our differences hopefully this would put a smile on you and on the same token I’m glad I’m your son. Happy Fathers Day tu hijo Claudio.”— Apa Armando
“To my dad Arnulfo Rioas, who is watching me from heaven, who tried to teach me right from wrong, who worked in the fields and like to play la arcoden and love to sing corridos old school. When my time comes I’ll be with him in heaven too, but for now straight from mi cora. I miss you and love you Happy Fathers Day tu hijo en Quenmas.’— Juan Rioas
Dad thank you for being the greatest father that a son could ever ask for. Always being there for me when I needed you really shows the father that you’ve always been. After being married for 50 or more years I want to thank you for showing the inspiration of a father when mom passed away. Showing us that example of the husband and father, Dad I love you. — David Baker
Jess, writing to someone who I have lost respect for and came to hate, is not easily done. First. I had to forgive myself for all the things I have done and blamed you for. I have forgiven you and I pray you forgave me. I never honored you, today I do, not with what I did in the past, but with who I am today. I always loved you despite the ugliness. Rest in peace. —Dennis Pratt
I want you to know on this day Dad that I love you and you always have been and continue to be a wonderful father. I love you and I want you to know that I am there with you in spirit and in thought. Happy Father’s Day Dad. —Steve Phillips
Dad I want to thank you for being there when nobody else is. You are my father, my inspiration and my reason for being a man now. I love you Happy Father’s Day. — Randy Carey Jr.
Quotes from Get on the Bus day:
“This is an awesome event where you get to see the children interact with their fathers. The looks on the kids’ faces make it all worth while.”— Jessica, volunteer
“Today kids get treated like super stars.” – Karen Vandelaat, volunteer
“I am so thankful that Get on the Bus brought me to see my daddy. This is the first time I met him. I love him.” —Troyanna
“I’m feeling good and tired. I got up at two in the morning because I was so excited that I was going to see my daddy.”— Eryka
“I feel good about seeing my dad. It’s been since Christmas. It’s good that they do this for us. It wouldn’t possible to see my dad without Get on the Bus.” — Isaiah
“I don’t see my dad as often anymore, but now he’s coming home and I’m really excited. I’ve been visiting him for 17 and a half years. Honestly I’m in shock that he’s finally coning home. Get on the Bus is an awesome program.”— Desiree
“I am so happy for the Get on the Bus program. I thank all the people involved in this program. This gives us a chance to do things as a family.”— Jessica Armengo
“My daughter makes me feel proud. This is just a wonderful program. I can’t say enough good things about it. It’s special and makes you feel special.”—Abel Armengo
“I think this atmosphere is appropriate, it’s a lot more relaxed. I think it’s happier for the families. Especially the fathers, having the opportunity to know their children reconnect with their children’s roots. Get on the Bus does a really unique service and coming into this situation makes the father proud.” — Correctional Officer M. Bock
