Father’s Day offers an opportunity for the incarcerated to reflect on gender, culture, and the struggles of parenting behind bars.
The holiday originated in 1909 when Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington, was motivated by Anna Jarvis’ idea of Mother’s Day, according to the Old Farmer’s Almanac of 2024.
Dodd’s father, William Jackson Smart, was a Civil War veteran and a single dad who raised her and her five brothers. Smart’s wife passed away giving birth to their youngest child in 1898. Dodd was attending a Mother’s Day service when she came up with the idea, noted the Almanac.
“It’s been almost 50 years since President Richard Nixon’s administration declared the third Sunday in June a day to recognize and honor the role of fathers in society,” said the Almanac.
Shavoka “Cassandra” Evans is an incarcerated trans woman who has a 19-year-old son and two daughters, 17 and 18 years old.
According to Evans, she sees herself as a father and a mother. Evans has been in prison for more than 12 years, She adds that she was a father to her kids prior to transitioning, explaining her parenting style has evolved.
“I am uniquely positioned to offer a myriad of suggestions about the crossroads my children may encounter,” said Evans. “My kids love me and they are good kids and [that] I am their father is what makes me a complete human being.”
Juan Rodriguez, a 72-year-old SQ resident was born in Cuba. He is the father of five children.
He says all five of his children live in different locations, with one in New York, one in Los Angeles, two in Miami, and one in Guatemala.
He explained the importance of the holiday’s culture in Cuba. “Father’s Day is very special in my native country; that day is honored and respected highly,” said Rodriguez.
He said every father is held in high regard, and as a result on Father’s Day they would celebrate up to three days — a whole pig would be placed in the ground and cooked.
“A Cuban father has a strong influence on his children because of his strength of being a provider for his family,” said Rodriguez. “Even while in prison I still provide for my children with advice and wisdom, thanks to the tablet’s messaging and video calls.”
Another SQ resident said that holidays impact his life behind bars.
“It’s like waking up on Christmas, only to realize that all the presents under the tree are gone,” said resident Allen. “For anyone who has spent time behind bars, holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving can be very difficult.”
He added that most of his adult life, he struggled with the cycle of depression and anxiety, which came from being abused. As a father he discovered the best part of himself, a safe place to express love to his children, the love he always longed for.
Joey Ochoa, incarcerated at the Q, is a father of five. He reflected on his life prior to incarceration, saying he took for granted seeing his dad whenever he wanted. He said that busy lives and scheduling conflicts got in the way of staying connected, not only with his Dad, but with his kids as well.
“The love I feel for my dad is sometimes overwhelming because I know I can’t physically be there for him as he gets older. Now in his golden years I cherish every moment we have together,” Ochoa said. “I sometimes feel like a burden on my family, but then they remind me how much they love me.”
SQ resident Hamid Ali told SQNews he wishes the incarcerated a Happy Father’s Day.
“When I found out I had a daughter, it was a new experience to me. Seeing her for the first time in the car seat broke me down,” Ali said.
He says his daughter, Aubrey, is seven years old now. To him Father’s Day means a special achievement.
He has “great memories” of family when Ali and his daughter and her mom engaged in a water fight and describes how they were chasing him around with water, trying to splash him.
Daniel, a resident who wishes to remain anonymous, feels being in constant communication with his son is a gift from God. It creates a safe place as well as a sacred one.
“It’s by the grace of God I have someone in my corner that has genuine love for me and [is] my son as well,” he said. “I would rather see my son look to God as a hero; if he looked at me as a hero my son would mimic my mistakes, God is without blemish.”
These are just a few examples of how incarcerated fathers struggle to stay connected when they are physically disconnected from their love ones.
