Six high court judges from Nepal visited San Quentin to learn about its restorative justice practices in prison and to take part in a group dialogue.
In November, the Victim Offender Education Group (VOEG) and the Insight Prison Project (IPP) hosted a roundtable discussion with the justices, 12 inmates and other guests.
With the help of Ashley Clark from Asia Foundation and Karena Montag, IPP program supervisor, inmate Phoeun You welcomed the group. Prior to the discussion, participants meditated before “checking in” to share how they want to be remembered.
The comments ranged from “kindness,” “honesty,” “forgiving and forgiven,” “lived without judgment” and “forgiveness.”
For several hours, the Nepali delegation listened to incarcerated Americans talk about the impact their crimes had on victims, society and themselves. The men also discussed how to heal their victims and themselves in the wake of their offenses.
“I came into the program with an open heart,” said Dywayne “Kairi” Reynolds. “I wanted to be open and honest. I was ashamed of the person I had become.”
Reynolds said in 1990 he killed his work supervisor. He said his victim’s survivor wanted to know who he was.
“I didn’t know what forgiveness looked like,” said Reynolds. “I was afraid. But when I shook her hand, I cried.” He said the victim’s survivor forgave him.
“I think satisfaction of healing of the victim is a good outcome and I’m impressed,” said Rajendra Khare. “At the last moment when she forgives him that’s important, and that he takes responsibility.”
Khare listened to Reynolds’ story and those of others intensely. He studied the group as he jotted down notes to take back with him to Nepal.
“That’s just so moving,” said Sujata Baliga of Reynolds. “I felt grateful.”
IPP Replication Director Sonya Shah said some victims’ family members have “mixed feelings” about survivors engaging in dialogue with offenders.
Shah described how victims might sometimes attend a parole hearing and influence how the denial of a release date takes place.
Bimal Pondel was curious about the system of parole, the process of hearings with the parole board and victim-offender reconciliation. He asked, “What does it take to bring victims in here?”
“Victims don’t always come to parole hearings,” explained Baliga. “Sometimes they send a letter.”
Tommy Ross, who has been incarcerated 30 years, said the legal process sometimes leaves victims and offenders faceless and voiceless. By connecting with one of his victims, he was able to relate to the harm he had caused and to learn empathy.
“It’s validating to hear him (Ross) say he needed to hear from his first victim,” said Baliga.
“Prior to San Quentin I had no idea what restorative justice was,” said Ross. “Restorative justice has allowed me to connect with others. I’m able to see and be seen; hear and be heard.”
Isaiah Thompson has been incarcerated for 16 years for attempted murder. He said everyone should be dealt with, victim and offender.
“Our justice systems are retributive, and they’re not working,” said Thompson. He explained how coming face to face with victims is sometimes therapeutic for both parties. “I saw the look on those people’s (victims) faces and realized I was broken,” he said.
Thompson shared a story with the judges: In San Quentin he met the perpetrator of a crime in which his great-uncle was murdered. “I was conflicted,” he said.
Instead of exacting vengeance, he used restorative justice practices to connect and forgive. “I began healing,” he said.
Thompson said the example in his story was important for everyone. “I realized it’s no longer our story but the world’s story,” he said.
Taonga Rolando Ngoma De Leslie asked the men, “What did it take to change?”
“I didn’t want to face myself,” said Nghiep “Ke” Lam, who has been incarcerated 17 years for murder.
Lam quoted his victim’s mother as saying, “Though I laugh and have fun, I’m not truly happy. When I visit my son, I visit a grave.”
Lam explained what took place at his first parole hearing. He was denied parole and told he would be reconsidered in five years.
Lam said VOEG helped him to gain insight, and a victim survivors’ panel made him feel the impact he has made on the family of his victim. It was then that he applied himself to making the changes necessary to turn his life around.
At his next parole hearing Lam said his victim’s parents made their sentiments known again.
Lam said the mother of his victim wrote a letter to tell him that he “will never know what happiness is.” Lam was surprised when he read further, “I want you to know I forgive you,” she wrote.
Lam said his victim’s father wrote, “I truly believe you are remorseful. I forgive you,” adding, “I hope you do well out there.”
“The mechanism proves to be so important,” said Keshari Raj Pandit. “What happened in the second parole hearing?”
Lam said by applying what he learned in VOEG and restorative justice he has been able to turn his life around. The Board of Parole Hearings recognized it and granted Lam a parole date.
“I’ve forgiven myself many years ago,” said Lam.
At the end of the discussion, everyone stood up from their seats, formed a circle and held hands for a closing thought.
“We don’t need a circle to do this,” said You. He said it starts at home. He then asked everyone to “check out” and express what they were feeling.
The first comment made was about feeling a “new dimension,” the last was on feeling “hopeful.”
