I’ve left behind the walls of the prison, having paroled on June 11. But I’m still fighting to reach freedom, one slow step at a time.
I’m homeless for now, for the first time in my life, and I’m 54 years old. I’d never have imagined that there is such complexity to being successful at being homeless. But there is, and it’s a struggle to learn it.
Until June 11 the folks at San Quentin cooked my meals, gave me a bed to sleep in, even did my laundry if I’d let ‘em, and gave me a job on the newspaper to keep me busy and out of trouble. The trouble part didn’t always work out as most of you will remember from my Ad Seg. “AS I SEE IT” column in the May issue of the S.Q. News. But San Quentin tried and, for the most part, I did, too.
On June 11 I gave up my job as the News Editor on your paper. But a reporter’s blood runs thick through my veins and I still have some writing left to do. If God, and the editors of the S.Q. News are willing, I intend to carry on as a contributing writer reporting on a couple of issues that will affect a great many of you in the coming weeks, months and years and, for some even, days! The issues are parole and homelessness.
For the past couple of nights I’ve slept, showered and even eaten at a homeless shelter for men. A very eye-opening experience, let me tell you. In so many ways, the types of people that one meets in prison can be found at the homeless shelter. Including a few folks just like me, recent parolees.
I’d never really given it much thought, but it’s so very true that when the doors of prison finally open up for you, it’s just like all those experts and their studies said it would be. The euphoria of freedom at last is quickly and thoroughly overwhelmed by an avalanche of anxiety, awe and yes, even fear! A sense of “Oh, Hell! What do I do now?”
Ten days into my parole and I’m still asking myself that very same question. But I’m quite self-motivated, and my feeling is that I won’t be homeless for long.
As the days and weeks pass I’ll share with you some insights and avenues for parolees as I find them. I’ll ask plenty of questions from the people at the parole office, as a good reporter does. And I’ll share the answers with you, just as honestly as I can, that you might be better able to prepare yourself for freedom when the time comes.
No non-revocable parole for me? No sir! In fact, I had some pretty tough special conditions throw at me, including a crazy restriction against driving a car, although I’ve never had an alcohol related driving offense. How am I to work?
But I will, and God willing, I’ll give them back this number in a short 13 months, watch and see. And as it unfolds I’ll share some insights on how to do that, also. Because we can beat this parole thing, both you and I. And in the process, the recidivism rate, as well.
No one said it would be easy, and certainly I never expected that it would be. There are moments when it seems like it’s gonna’ be too much for me. But it ain’t.
I dug myself a real deep hole this time, I did! And now I’m climbing back out, slowly but surely, one step at a time. And filling the hole back in as I go. I WON’T fall back in this one!
