Homer McWilliams bumped around the California Department of Corrections for close to three decades. He received nine serious write-ups and survived cancer. Then, last month, he paroled on the day of his clean and sober anniversary.
“When I first came to prison I was telling myself a lie about my crime. I was a real butthead for a large part of my time,” McWilliams said in a conversation prior to his release. “Back then I wasn’t focused on the big picture, transforming myself in a positive light and getting out of prison.”
San Quentin was a different place when McWilliams first arrived here in the early 80s. “it was a real Level IV. Respect wasn’t just given in those days. It was earned,” said McWilliams. “For instance, nowadays you’ve got men cutting in front of you in line in the chow hall. Twenty years ago that was a big no-no,” said McWilliams.
A DIFFERENT PLACE
During his early years in prison, he found himself hearing the same story: older lifers telling him they did not do their crimes. McWilliams knew that if he stuck to his own lie, in the long run he would end up like those old guys.
“They were all imprisoned in their own minds. And I thought what a horrible way to live,” said McWilliams. ”
The first part of McWilliams’ change happened around the death of his baby sister. “She and I were very close,” McWilliams said. “She knew as her older brother I loved her and I vowed to stop using drugs before her death. And I haven’t used since.”
The second part of his change began when he started taking San Quentin’s Alcohol Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous self-help classes. He looked inward at the man he wanted to be. “I like my N/A 12-step program because I had some one-on-one therapy that was real helpful to me.
“I simply didn’t want to live a lie. So I said this [crime] is what I did. I just refused to live a lie.”
McWilliams, 52, was sentenced to 14 years and six months for second-degree murder. “I did 29 hard years in California Corrections, a place that’s not equipped to rehabilitate anyone,” said McWilliams. “They just warehouse people. I had to better myself.”
McWilliams said that if he had been released prior to 1988 he would have been just like the guys in West Block: “In and out, in and out.” McWilliams said, “It’s the lifers who should get out because we’ve done the work and we have [a low] recidivist rate. They won’t come back.”
Now, for him, it is all about starting over right.
“This is my fourth parole date and I’ll be leaving on this one,” McWilliams said. “I’ll be working in a cabinet shop perfecting my craft. Because right now I want just want peace of mind.”
– JulianGlenn Padgett
