“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned” -Buddha
Namaste my brothas. I wanted to talk about a very familiar, comfortable, and common emotion we all experience – anger. For all of us here in the West, and in particular men, anger is an acceptable, expected emotion to have. More often than not, anger is a defense mechanism. Its job is to protect us from the more painful, uncomfortable, sometimes scary emotions that lie underneath.
Feelings like pain, hurt, rejection, abandonment, guilt, shame, loneliness, confusion, betrayal-the list goes on and on. Anger helps to keep these painful emotions away – so I don’t have to feel them. Anger inevitably leads to violence. Think of the countless video games, movies, music and television shows that glorify and promote anger and violence.
In helping to keep other, more painful emotions away, anger serves the purpose of psychological self-protecting from those other feelings, which I have most likely never been taught healthy ways of managing. Yet, it is a double-edged sword, as the above-mentioned quote suggests. In being angry, I get the benefit of not having to feel these other painful emotions. Yet, my anger harms me psychologically and physically. It also harms others if I engage in acts of physical, verbal and emotional violence as a means of managing that anger.
A friend likened anger to fire-it can keep us warm or it can burn us up. It is okay to feel angry. Anger is simply one of a range of countless other emotions that we as human beings experience. The problem becomes that we hang on to our anger and it burns us up.
When we have spent a lifetime experiencing countless injustices perpetrated against us and our loved ones; when we live in circumstances where we have very little control over our lives (like prison) anger can easily grow, strengthen and deepen. Our challenge is to find ways to transform our anger so that is not continually wounding us so that I am not continually burning myself. Gandhi makes the point “…as heat conserved is transmuted into energy; even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power which can move the world.”
How can someone transform their anger? Creative outlets such as writing, art, making music, et cetera are healthy ways of transforming anger. More importantly, perhaps, is finding the courage to explore what is underneath the anger. In doing this, anyone will need to learn to be with those other uncomfortable feelings without having to push them away with unhealthy behaviors such as violence or drug use.
Reflect on a recent time when you felt angry. Why were you angry? What did you do when you were angry? What were some feelings that may have been underneath the anger (e.g. feeling disrespected, dismissed, unheard, unimportant, not valued, et cetera) that the anger may have been protecting you from? How can you find a way to transform this anger, so that you are not holding onto the “hot coal?”
Until next time my brothas, Peace and blessings……
Hope….
Namaste my brothas….I hope this article finds you well and in good spirits. I have been feeling hopeful of late- and it feels good! It feels like it has been a very, very long time, since I last hoped. What power lies behind our hopes. The power to facilitate change in our lives and in the world around us.
On January 20, 2009, we will witness another historic event in this country…..Barrack Obama will be sworn in as the president of the United States. His win in the November elections gave voice to my hope and that of so many people, not just here in the U.S., but all over the world. In the days leading up to the election, I found myself feeling increasingly fearful of hoping….Every time I would feel that hope start to rise up inside of me, I would stop myself in an unconscious effort to protect myself from the pain and devastation that would surely follow were he not successful. For many of us know the cost of hope unrealized. But I could not stop the hope, no matter how much I tried. My spirit took flight and when my hopes were realized, the joy was incredible. And it continues to carry me forward. For the first time, when I see the soon-to-be president-elect, I smile. When I see the soon to be “first family” my heart smiles. The displays of love and affection I see between the president-elect and the soon-to-be first lady brings me joy. What is being reflected to me in these images speaks to some very deep woundings; woundings that are far greater than in this lifetime alone.
“I Have a Dream”
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
1968
The Dream Came True!
Barack Obama elected
President of the U.S.
2008
For the first time in the history of this country, a country built on the attempted genocide of the indigenous peoples; off the backs of chattel slavery; and the continued unacknowledged and demonized use of immigrant labor, the leader is someone who has an understanding of what some of my experiences have been like. Though there are no doubt many differences in our experiences, for the first time, I feel there are some common understandings we share that previous presidents never could. And my heart smiles in hope. President-elect Obama embodies hope for me. And in that hope is a re-emergence of spirit and energy that I have not felt in a very long time. In this country where the race debate is often limited to black and white, with not much acknowledgement of the many shades of brown that lie in between, I have hope that the president can one day be of South Asian descent. Growing up, that was never even on my radar; but it is now. And for many, many children of all the different descents in this country, it is a tangible, realizable hope.
On election night I received the following text on my mobile: “Rosa sat so Martin could walk. Martin walked so Obama could run. Obama’s running, so our children can fly”. And for the first time, “our children” felt inclusive to me. As we come to the beginning of a new year, I am hopeful, that hope carries over into all areas of my life. What do you feel hopeful about for the New Year? In what ways can you allow hope to take flight in your own life, even when the circumstances don’t feel very hopeful? Not an easy question I know, but one I hope you may spend some time reflecting on.
Until next time my brothas, peace and blessings….Meeta
Healing Our Wounds
Namaste, my brothers. I hope today finds you well and in good spirits. I wanted to write about healing, we must also talk about woundings, for the two go together. How can we transform our wounding so that they can become sources of strength which we can draw on in those moments when we are brought to our knees in grief and despair?
We are all – each one of us – deeply wounded. There is not a single person on this earth who has not sustained numerous woundings over the course of living. The wounds to our psyches are not as visible as those wounds that our bodies sustain. We carry our psychological wounds deep within us and it is much harder to heal those physical wounds.
Our life experiences and the realities that we live in have an impact on our mental and emotional health and well being. The ones that impact us negatively are our woundings. Some of these experiences of wounding we have more control over than others. The reality is that we live in a society in which there are many systems of oppression within which we must exist and which wound us very deeply, that is. things like racism, incarceration, sexism, classism or homophobia. In addition to these systems we also create our own wounding by engaging in behavior or activities that are not good for us (for example substance use, addictive behaviors or violence). Sometimes the very behaviors that are hurting us are the coping skills we have developed to try to deal with our woundings such as using drugs and alcohol.
It is very important to be aware of the difference between those factors and conditions that society imposes upon us that create wounding and those that we impose upon ourselves. There are many places where the two intersect; and the impact on our mental and emotional health and wellness becomes even more profound as we turn the negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves inwards and start to act them out. To quote James Baldwin: “You know it’s not the world that was my oppressor, because what the world does to you, if it does it to you long enough and effectively enough, you begin to do to yourself.”
Take a minute to think about what woundings you have sustained over the course of your life. How are they continuing to impact your life, the choices you make and the behaviors you are engaging in? The reality is that unless we can start to heal our wounds they continue to bleed within us, causing us to stay in a cycle of wounding. We end up operating from our wounded places and in doing so, wound others and ourselves. If we are to heal ourselves and create healing within our communities, we have to break this cycle.
This brings me back to the questions I asked at the beginning of this article. How can I create healing for myself and perhaps for those in my life I have caused to be wounded through some of my actions?
“We end up operating from our wounded places
and in doing so, wound others and ourselves.”
Healing is a process. It will not happen overnight. Some wounds may never heal completely; but we can find a way to integrate them into who we are in a way that allows us to move forward in our lives. In doing so, we stop the bleeding. Nothing that has entered into our experiences is ever lost – positive or negative. The person I am today is made up of my woundings as much as my successes, perhaps even more so because the woundings have made me stronger.
Some of the things we can do to create healing include not engaging in unhealthy behaviors that cause us to wound ourselves or others (for example substance use, violent behavior). Also, we can start to create community with others who are engaging in healthy behaviors and seeking to make changes to unhealthy lifestyles. In doing this we support our healing and that of others. Spiritual belief and practice is vital to our healing because it gives our lives meaning. Engaging in regular spiritual practice grounds us and gives us solace. Finally, engaging in health creative pursuits can be a way of transforming our wounds as well (for example writing, art, music, dance, etc…). These are just some of the ways that we can start to create healing.
Our wounds, if left unattended, continue to bleed and motive our behaviors. In creating healing for ourselves we can start to make changes to those behaviors we are engaging in that do not suit us and which are negatively impacting our lives and the lives of others. In starting to heal these wounds, and ourselves, our woundings become transformed into sources of strength we can draw upon in our time of need.
I would love to hear from you about the ways in which you create healing in your own life. Feel free to write to me c/o of the editor. Until next time, blessings…
Overall Health And Wellness
“If you have come to help me you’r are wasting your time…but if you have come because you liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
I was honored to be asked to write for the SQN. My hope is that this can be a space that helps facilitate healing and change. The above quote came from the (Austrailan) Aboriginal Political Activist Group in the 1970s. It is this spirit that I would like to introduce myself. My name is Helen Ameeta Singh; I am a therapist and have been fortunate enough to co-facilitate a group on mental and emotional health and wellness for the “TRUST” here at San Quentin. I look forward to creating a space to talk about some of the things that impact our overall health and wellness, which I see as being made up of the physical, spiritual, and mental/emotional aspects of us.
Physical health is how our bodies are functioning and feeling. It includes things like nutrition; what we are eating; where exercise fits into our daily lives; any medical conditions we may be struggling with.
Our spiritual health and well being is made of our individual beliefs around what sustains us. It helps give our lives meaning and keep us going, especially in the really tough times. Being connected to what gives our lives meaning is important to our overall health and wellness because it allows us to continue to stay connected to our own humanity as we exist within systems of oppression (such as the prison environment) that seek to dehumanize us.
Our mental/emotion health is how we think, fell and act as we cope with life. It helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices in our lives. As we increase understanding about ourselves and what motivates our behaviors, we become more able to make changes to those behaviors that are negatively impacting us.
Being incarcerated, is very challenging to a person’s well being in may ways. Think about those three aspects of your overall health and wellness. How healthy is your body, spirit and mind right now? Are any of your behaviors causing harm to any of these parts of you? How do you support and nurture these different aspects of your overall health and wellness in the challenging situations that you’re in?
Until next time, peace and blessings…Helen.